Sweet Obsession

Chapter 8 Part 4

In that instant, Nidal saw in my eyes the truth that I would do just that. He pulled me close to him and yelled hoarsely, “Stop it! Loula, stop it! Don’t say such things! I will lead my men to war, we will destroy the enemy, and then we will come home. You have nothing to fear,” he lied miserably.

I almost choked on my next words. “When are you leaving?” I stared him in the face without blinking. “Were you even going to tell me? Or were you going to leave without saying good-bye?” I knew what the answer to that was. “I am deeply hurt.” I sobbed and felt the pain in my chest squeezing me tight.

Nidal’s face flushed with shame. I pulled back and looked into his eyes, searching for answers. Nidal knew how to hide them well. He wanted to protect me from the truth. “Tell me, Nidal,” I demanded. “I want to know everything, every single little thing!” I cried.

And Nidal settled himself uncomfortably on the bed and looked serene, like he was almost relieved that the truth was about to come out. “I will tell you everything, and I know later I will regret this,” he said grimly. “But since you persist in knowing the truth, I will tell you all, but don’t interfere until I am done talking.” He sighed. “Every meeting I have gone to has been about the preparations for the war. I did not tell you. I wanted to spare you the awful details. I knew it would scare you to pieces, but you must know that I intended to tell you right before I left. Knowing before that would get you stressed out much sooner than necessary. I know you love me, and you would tell me to stay here with you, but Loula …” He paused for a second and wiped the tears from my face. “I have to go. I have my honor and my love for my country. I cannot let my men go without me. I am not a coward! I am their leader. They look up to me. They love me, Loula, and I will not let them down!” He averted his eyes as he said this because he could not look me in the face. He knew I would say that he would be letting me down if he went.

My shoulders dropped, and my head swayed back and forth as the tears rolled down my face. The sobs ripped through my throat as I cried out his name in fear for his life.

“Oh, Nidal,” I cried. “Nidal, please don’t go. What if something happens to you and I don’t ever see you again? What if you die in battle and they bring your body home in a bag? I cannot live without you! I won’t live without you!” I screamed.

Nidal tried to calm me down, promising he would return from the war. He wiped away my tears and held me in his arms until my sobs stopped and I went limp in his arms. I was exhausted. I did not move from this position; nor did Nidal ask me to. Within minutes, I fell into a deep sleep, as if I were drugged. I passed out in his arms. I was emotionally disturbed, and it was easier to sleep away the pain.

When I awoke, I was still wrapped in Nidal’s strong arms. The room was almost dark, except for a candle that was on the table. The flame about to diminish was casting shadows across the room. Nidal slept peacefully. I stared at him for hours. I could not get enough of him. I saw a wet tear on his lashes and knew he had been crying too. I knew I had no choice but to let him go. I would pray from the moment he left until the moment he returned back into my arms. I would beg God to spare his life. I would count the days, the hours, the minutes, and the seconds. I would light a candle every day until his return.

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