Looking Back

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Like every troubled person -

that is what I call myself,
although deep down I know
that I've known nothing -

I look back
every once in a while
and I read back
every once in a while.

My heart hurts
every once in a while
because on those lazy afternoons
I am reminded of the countless
minutes I spent thinking of you.

Like the troubled person I am
I forget the details -
the big ones and the little ones -
and looking back
makes me remember.

Yes my heart hurts but
I can't bring myself to establish
whether or not it hurts
in a good way or bad.

Because that cloud of innocence
that had once believed she could
lead the grey eyes back to shore
was a bipolar cloud of innocence.

A cloud of innocence or
a cloud of ignorance,
I can't be sure.

I have decided that
looking back makes me
bitter-sweet.

Because I remember
how upset I was
but I remember
with a smile.

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