Uncontrollable Powers

It's All My Fault...

I sat on my bed, trying to calm myself down, but I can't. I just can't stop thinking about Kaoru, she's dead because of me...

It's all my fault, I should have known this would happen. I shouldn't have let her be with me. It's all my fault...

Ever since that day, I hated myself for being an idiot. I was desperate of having someone close to me. I shouldn't have let her come with me...

I wish I was never even born, I thought.

It has been 5 years ever since that day, that day Kaoru died. I couldn't stop thinking about her. I cry everyday, every night, regretting everything I did with her, wishing I never even existed, especially that stupid gun.

It was the stupid gun that made my life miserable. But if I was never even born, that stupid gun hadn't hit me.

My life is over. Ever since that day, I never went out of the house again. Not even at the sakura forest. Not even at weekends.

My brothers were trying to comfort me, but I pushed them off. I don't want anyone close to me. I'm too scared that it might happen again. That someone might die because of me.

I hated myself. I wanted to die, but Kaoru said that I should keep on living for her, even if my life was even more miserable than ever.

Today, now at the age of 23, I can now control my powers. But I still live in my room, trying to hide from other people, even from my family.

These powers are stupid. Just when Kaoru died, I can control my powers. If I met Kaoru when I can already control my powers, then all of this wouldn't have happened.

It's all my fault...