One More Letter

To Hope

About Hope: Yeah, again, "Hope" isn't her real name. It's similar though. She has a Wattpad. Anyways, Hope is a dork! She's funny and likes to read like me. Really cool person. Quiet around people she's not friends with, but she can get so annoying around her friends (I love being that person who people can rant to and not feel like they need to apologize for it afterwards). She literally has no idea that I've written these, because she doesn't even know that I'm suicidal. Hope, if you find this, sorry for not telling you sooner. She's ass hat, I'm bitch.

Dear Hope, 

 You are a smart, beautiful, and hilarious person to be around. Why in the world did you pick the personification of a raincloud to be your friend? Honestly, woman, I thought you were wiser. It's not really my place to tell you, but you're a dork, and I love it.

I'm a nerd, a freak, an idiot, and an all around awful person, really. That first time I accidentally called you something mean, I thought our friendship would be over. You just laughed though, and called me another mean name. I was so confused, and you noticed. You said you didn't mean it, explained that it was a joke, and they became our nicknames for each other.

I don't understand much emotions, and as much as I joke about it I'm serious. I read about emotions, but in reality it's just so hard to be normal. You understand that, but you can actually talk to new people without getting beet red and wanting to either run away or cry. I have the most messed up mind compared to anyone I've ever met, and I'm afraid of messing you up to. I'm afraid to drag you into this storm inside my head, because my true self sits in the eye of it, and the outside will lash out at anyone who gets close. I lashed out at you a lot more than usual, and you still managed to get to the eye of my storm. There, you helped calm the storm a bit.Just enough so that others could see a bit of the real me through the lunacy that was my mind. You know the real me, and that's more than I can say for a lot of people I know. You are the most persistent, balanced, creative, and one of the most amazing people I've ever met in my whole life.

I will never really understand why you would be friends with me, of all people, but for what it's worth, thank you. Thank you so, so much for dealing with my freakishness, my stupidity, and thank you again for putting me in your life, because without you I'd still be cocooned in a little hermit hole somewhere in my head, untouchable by anyone outside.

Sincerely, the death girl who thinks you should stop dying.