Reign of the Rejected Rosary (Ryden/Peterick)

Chapter Twenty-One

There was a day I was originally afraid to tell. It wasn't scary. It didn't scar me in any way. It was just something I didn't think would be brought to the surface, only because it was so special and private.

Ryan and I went out maybe a week ago. It was our first official 'date night,' and we had to go into St. Paul, where no one would recognize me from the news or the papers.

We stopped for dinner at a nice, but not very expensive, restaurant. We were dressed casually, and no one gave us, or even me, a second glance.

"This is really nice," Ryan said, picking up his menu after we were seated.

I shrugged. "I mean, it's alright."

Ryan laughed. "Not the restaurant," he said. "Just the moment."

"What do you mean?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"It's nice to finally get to go out with you," Ryan replied. "Even if we have to go out of town to do so."

"I'm sorry about that, though," I muttered. "That we have to sneak around. I just don't want you to face any backlash."

"No, I get it," Ryan said. "It's okay."

The waiter came over with out waters, and we placed our orders. Ryan got some kind of chicken, and I stuck to a simple salad. I didn't like eating out. I never knew if I'd like the food or not, so I stuck to what you couldn't possibly screw up.

I explained that to Ryan, because he asked if I was feeling okay. After all, a salad isn't a lot. But I had a pretty big lunch that day, anyway. I made enough spaghetti that afternoon for Pete and I both, but he still wasn't up for eating much, and I didn't want to just throw it away.

I didn't tell him that part, though. At least, not the whole story. I left Pete out of it.

Ryan and I had only known each other for two months, but it felt so much longer. The night of our date Patrick had only been gone for two days. Pete was ready to call the cops, but he didn't even have a lead to what happened to Patrick. Besides, Patrick's in his twenties, and there wasn't much that could be done. He wasn't a child that ran away. He got up himself and walked out.

But Ryan and I didn't talk about that. It was a day or so before I even found out that Patrick and Ryan were brothers, so of course I didn't mention that my best friend went missing.

Instead we talked about our futures. Well, Ryan talked about his. I couldn't bear to tell him that I was leaving.

"I want to travel," Ryan said. "But not the world. Just the continental United States. I don't like planes."

I laughed. "I don't either."

"But first, obviously, I want to finish college. I'm going to be a sophomore at UM, so I still have a few years to go, but I really want to secure that English degree."

"That's great," I told him.

"Thanks," he replied. "Are you going to college?"

I shook my head. "Nah, I'm not really the college type."

The truth was, I dreamed about going to college since I was in elementary school. I wanted to be a doctor. I was never sure which kind, because there were so many to choose from, but I knew I wanted to help people. But now that I had a criminal record (and an awful one at that), I could pretty much kiss that dream goodbye.

When our food came Ryan dug in almost immediately. I just poured the Italian dressing on my salad and pushed the fork around the plate.

"Are you sure you're alright?"

"I'm okay Ry," I said. "Honest."

And as if to prove it I shoved a forkfull of lettuce into my mouth. At that point I was just starting to get anxious. I felt guilty about leaving Pete Patrickless while I was out with my boyfriend.

"Well good," Ryan said. "Hey, do you want to go see a movie next weekend?"

"Yeah," I said. "That sounds great."

On the drive back to Minneapolis the cab drove down the street that took away my life. I stiffened, and Ryan noticed. He set his hand on my thigh, but my fear made me move out from under it.

"Brendon, what's wrong?" he asked.

I stared out the window. We passed the alleyway, and I felt myself shudder.

"Nothing," I said. "I'll tell you later."

I walked Ryan up to his doorstep when the cab dropped us off. Or, rather, Spencer's doorstep.

"Spencer and his parents are out of town," Ryan muttered. "If you wanted to, I don't know, come in."

So I went in. We went upstairs. And what happened next? Well, I don't like to kiss and tell.

*****

Ryan rested his head on my chest as we laid in the bed together. I kept my eyes closed. I was exhausted, and ready to fall asleep. I thought Ryan was asleep, so I was surprised when he started to speak.

"I love you."

Of course I got scared, so I kept my eyes closed. He lifted his head up.

"Oh, sorry, I guess you're asleep." He laid his head back down. "Maybe it's a good thing you didn't hear that," he muttered.

"Ryan," I whispered.

"So you are up," he said sheepishly.

"Yeah. I don't think you want to love me. You can't," I said. I sat up, so of course he had to sit up next to me.

"And why can't I?" he challenged.

I took a deep breath. "Maybe I should tell you what happened to me."