The Element Of Happy.

The Ride

BEEP. BRR. BEEP. BRR. BEEP. BRR.
My alarm clock pulls me back to the world of the living , leaving the fractured memory of Carter behind. I don't think about this . I refuse. 

I get up and drag myself to the shower. Pulling off the dirty clothes from yesterday, I watch myself closely in the mirror. I watch my muscles flex and shift as I pull off my top. I do this everyday but today seems different. More sinister in a way that I don't quite understand. I turn on the shower and step into the hot streams. I feel like the whole world is shifting beneath me but somehow I think deeply...

What are your goals in life Cay ?

I reply to this thought out loud

"Graduate. Go to college. Get a Job. Marry a nice woman. Have two, no three children. Retire. Die."

But why? Why am going down this stupid cycle? Why is this the formula of success ? What if I skipped college ? Would I still get a job? What if I met and married the nice wo-man in college? What if I cant have kids ? Honestly the only part of the success formula that is certain is dying . If we're all living to die then why did we end up here to begin with?

Suddenly I'm freeze . The water has run cold, meaning I had been in there about half an hour straight.  I get out and dry myself , then put on the clothes I had just taken off. Too lazy to try to find a new outfit today. 

I bound downstairs to find everyone has left. Emma probably left early for school and mom left for work already. I pull out my pack and light a cigarette. The smell will be gone by the time anyone is home. I watch the smoke dance in the air then turn to get ready . After I finish my smoke I go out to the bus stop. The bus. A horrible think machine. 

It gets there in five minutes flat. I get on and take my usual seat, perfectly center. 6 seats in. Right side, window seat. 

The bus rumbles and shakes around me as we move . Thoughts slip in 

Happy.......Mom......Sirens......Dad......

I cant keep them straight at all so I just pop in my I pod but all I get is static and rumbling . Stupid thing must be broke. Actually , Emma probably did this. Ugh. I pull out my phone and fool around on it during the ride. My arms and legs feel prickly and my mind feels fuzzy, I think Im just tired though. 

I pull the stop for the school and get off the bus, only when I walk the 3 blocks to the building , it feels like I'm being shook around and the world won't stay still. I truly am going crazy. If that weren't enough to make me think that, my thoughts came back with a vengeance , filling my head with a mess of thoughts that didn't even sound like mine until one came out loud and clear.

"We're loosing him!" 

Its a mans voice, but it isn't mine. What does it mean? I shake it off and bolt up the stairs to first. The bell blaring just as I walked in the door. My teacher gave me a dirty look but she always did that. I moved to my seat with my head down when suddenly I ran head first into someone.

"I'm so sorry!" I blurt out as I start picking up my things. I notice nothing of his fell. Odd.

"It's fine. Your the kid from the bus ride this morning ? The one who looked like he was gonna fall over any second?" 

I stood, stunned. " Uh ... yeah I guess." This had taken an awkward turn. I looked at the boy in front of my for the first time. He looked a little like me. Fairly average honestly, but with a radiance to him. I couldn't place it though. 

"Sorry! I only meant you seemed kinda tired is all. Gotta get to my seat. Catch you later Cay."

Catch me later? What? Who actually talks like that. 

"See ya." Woah.. me. 

I sit, and I watch the boy who said he'd 'catch me later' . Through being called on I learn his name is Zale . Not sure what kind of name that is but whatever. 

By the end of class the swinging and swaying of the world seems to have stopped and everything is actually still , despite my arms still feeling prickly.

He's the key. The key to my happy. How I know this is beyond my understanding but I will learn more about him. He is the answer. 

Its not until I think this that it hits me. His 'radiance'?

 Its happiness.