To The Moon

Part 1; Chapter 7

As I walked up shore, I thought about the past. About how it used to be. I used to call her Momma, but she hated it. Her face would twist a little more each time I said it - making it clear that she didn't love me, I doubt she ever wanted me. Sometimes she would forget my name, just saying, "Hey! Hey, you!" I would hope she was joking and laugh. She wasn't joking, though, she was just too drunk to remember. For years I just swallowed the tears but then I started seeing her with other men and the tears wouldn't stop coming. They finally dried out on the plane, when I finally accepted that it could be over. My father started referring to her as Isabel, her first name.   

The one thing I never understood about her is how much she wanted to control her life. She was hardly in it, anyways. Even so, she would obsess over the people I hung out with, the boys I was always around, where I was at all time. She would not stand for me to be talking to boys older than me, even though there was a limited amount of likable people in my class. "Hypocrite" crossed my mind every time she spoke. She was the one who did more than just hang out with men older and sometimes younger than her, sometimes not even knowing their names. So how was it even remotely fair to control my life?   

I could feel a lump in my throat growing to the size of an apple but I swallowed it. I wouldn't let Matt see me cry. I wouldn't let anybody see me cry.   

As I walked up shore, I thought about the past. About how it used to be. I used to call her Momma, but she hated it. Her face would twist a little more each time I said it - making it clear that she didn't love me, I doubt she ever wanted me. Sometimes she would forget my name, just saying, "Hey! Hey, you!" I would hope she was joking and laugh. She wasn't joking, though, she was just too drunk to remember. For years I just swallowed the tears but then I started seeing her with other men and the tears wouldn't stop coming. They finally dried out on the plane, when I finally accepted that it could be over. My father started referring to her as Isabel, her first name.   

The one thing I never understood about her is how much she wanted to control her life. She was hardly in it, anyways. Even so, she would obsess over the people I hung out with, the boys I was always around, where I was at all time. She would not stand for me to be talking to boys older than me, even though there was a limited amount of likable people in my class. "Hypocrite" crossed my mind every time she spoke. She was the one who did more than just hang out with men older and sometimes younger than her, sometimes not even knowing their names. So how was it even remotely fair to control my life?   

I could feel a lump in my throat growing to the size of an apple but I swallowed it. I wouldn't let Matt see me cry. I wouldn't let anybody see me cry.    The Lofty Bean Coffee Bar was right in the beach. It was pretty touristy but inside we knew we could count on the coffee being as great as a Starbucks. Remmie, the owner loved me. Dad and I would come in on Sundays and I'd order a latte with skim while he ordered a black. Funny how the little things stick.   

Remmie always put a lady finger on the side with no extra charge. He said he liked my spirit, said it was hard to find such an upbeat, carefree spirit in a town like this. The material town, he said. He always talked about moving up North, to Oregon or something like that whenever a material customer came in to order some ridiculous concoction. I liked Rem. I hoped Remmie never decided to move, that would ruin the shop. The regulars would become bitter, the popularity would die, the best barista on the west coast would be gone. But that was the worst-case scenario.   

Walking through the glass doors I looked around. It was the same. The one thing that I looked forward too stayed the same through the five years I had been gone. It even had the same smell. I loved it. Looking around, I saw Matt sitting in the corner, but he wasn't by himself. Jack Vincent, Alex Wilson, Dan Cabot, Zach Taylor, and Nathan Sullivan were all in the same booth. A mix of disappointment and excitement washed over me. This was far more people than I had expected but I was sure it would avoid any awkward silences between Matt and I.