Third person's POV:
The vision blurs in front of his face. Light grey smoke is covering the sight of the cloudy sky and the streets. The smoke that leaves the cigarette and Ethan's mouth and the fog that is laying between the sky scrapers visually merge into one another. White and red lights of the traffic are shimmering through the milky fog cover. Ethan's eyes drive backwards as he sighs desperately. Quietly. It's late evening and he misses his brother. Everything of him. His scent. Every single characteristic of Grayson. Every single inch of his body. He told himself to never go back to this need of cigarettes. He almost forgot about it but now since he's about to loose his most important life elixir, Grayson, the only one he needed to survive and to take the pain away he can't help it.
He's waiting for Grayson to slap this damn cigarette out of his hand. For Grayson to yell at him. For Grayson to grab his face and connect their lips to remind him that it's not worth it. It's not worth it to be addicted to something that kills you slowly and that it's worth it to be addicted to love instead. Unconditional love. Deeper than anyone would ever understand but the two of them. But this love is killing the both of them as well. Slowly and painfully.
Ethan feels empty. Lonely without Grayson. When he lifts his arm and brings the cigarette to his mouth his cold fingers touch his lip and he closed his eyes remembering the touches. The kisses they got lost in. The feeling of Grayson's thumb running along Ethan's jaw to his lips. The pressure Grayson applies with his one hand formed around Ethan's neck as he looks at his brother. His eyes big and hazel framed by dark thick lashes and his glance like an innocent deer yet intimidating and hungry for love.
Ethan knows his brother won't come back. Not today. Not tomorrow and not the following few days. His desperation is too strong but so is their bond. Their bond of unconditional love. A love that is deeper than any love they'll ever get to feel towards someone in their lives. The connection of two people who had never chosen to have those strong feelings for one another. Two souls that had never chosen to fall in love with each other. Ethan misses every moment of this. Not only the sexual way of their love, the way they connected their bodies to feel this love with every movement and every shiver that left goosebumps on their sweaty skin. Ethan also misses the late night conversations about life he has with Grayson. When they are laying, one the opposite way, heads next to each other under that dark blue sky looking at the stars that can make you feel so small and insignificant.
A hot tear slowly rolls down Ethan's left cheek and finally finds its way down Ethan's chin and it drops as he leans forward wiping his eyes breathing in and out shaking his head. He tenses his jaw with anger and throws that small thing between his fingers that is sucking life energy and is making its consumer feel withdrawing from life and society.
At selia's
A flickering light of candles sitting on the bed table next to Selia's bed lets Grayson's soft skin shimmer warm and golden. His one hand is caressing Selia's hair gently and he smiles softly in the semi-darkness of the room. Selia is laying on her hands looking at Grayson her eyes half close. Their heads are pressed into soft pillows making it easy to lay there for hours enjoying the silence. The atmosphere that surrounds them.
"You're so beautiful", Grayson says softly. "So so beautiful."
Selia closes her eyes and smiles her rosy cheeks heaving lightly.
"You know you make me feel more safe and protected than I've ever felt? How do you do that Gray?"
"Hmm.. I'm here. I listen. I don't know."
"Yeah but you also know you can't always just listen?"
"Why?" Grayson furrows his eyebrows.
"You have to talk to me as well." Selia replies approaching Grayson.
"But I like to listen. And I don't know what to say. I guess you just leave me speechless."
A small quiet laugh escapes Selia's mouth before she replies.
"I don't know Grayson. You are just so quiet recently. Just tell me something."
"But what?!" Grayson laughs.
"I have no clue! What about..."
Grayson arches his eyebrows.
"...about your first time. Tell me about your first time Grayson."
Grayson swallows and rolls on his back looking at the ceiling his right hand laying on his belly and he sighs.
"What? Just start. I know you weren't a virgin before we slept with each other." Selia cozies up to Grayson shoulder.
"Why do you wanna know?"
"Because I'm interested in things like that? Because it probably meant a lot you? Hopefully?"
Grayson's eyes meet Selia's for a second. Her face waiting for Grayson to open up and tell her about his first time.
If she only knew.
"Let's talk about something else." Grayson tries to change the topics and licks his lips.
"Why Grayson? What happened that you don't wanna talk about it? Wasn't it nice?"
Grayson sighs.
"Yes it was. Or maybe not. I don't know okay?!" He brings his hands to his face and rubs his eyes before he continues. "It's just- I just don't like thinking about it." He pauses. "It's the person I had it with I guess. Okay and now let's change the topics. Or you can tell me about yours."
Grayson's pulls Selia to his chest and wraps his arms around her resting his chin on her head as he sat up a little.
Selia starts talking. Describing that party she was at. Telling about this boy she met. Describing the awkward situation right after and struggles that came up she only talked to her friends about.
The sound of her voice slowly fades in Grayson's head and his thoughts drown every single word of Selia's story. His heart stings as his thoughts drive to that night. The night the not brotherly feelings he has for Ethan set free burning in his stomach, building a knot that made him feel sick of him self yet numbed by the love he gave to his brother. Blinded by the sparkling sensation in front of his eyes as skin was pressed to skin and heart beats pulsating where their bodies connected. Worries about what was wrong and what was right completely shut out. It was just them making love to each other. Soft cries. Hitched breaths and whimpers. Hot. Hitting the sweaty skin. Their eyes wide open staring into each other's souls as they desperately moved together, holding onto the other's arms, hips, hands, neck. Tears blurring their faces right before their highs almost blacked out their vision as their movements became erratic and shivering. His first time was beautiful. The most beautiful first time he could've asked for.
Coming from the cold
Buried under the heat
Lay you on the floor
Heavy like the force between us
Coming like a rose
Tell me like a beast
Hold me on the floor
Heavy like the force between us
I was a ghost
Hunted and fled
Kneeling
There of the heart
God undertow
Feeling
I was only falling in love
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Song: only by RY X
I'll update asap I just don't know how to continue that story lol
