Diseased Jottings From A Random Mind

John 11:25

It was the end.

Maria could feel the fatigue poisons burning in her body, making her breathing harder and harder. She knew that she did not have long before before her death, but she knew what memory she wanted to carry into eternity. It took a great effort to lift her arm and turn her head towards her husband, but it didn't leave her enough energy to speak.

Her husband understood. Maria felt his hands encircle hers and hold them tight. She heard him speak the words she wanted to hear: "I love you." Then, happy that this was the end, she let death come.

There was a moment - an eternity? - of nothing, then Maria became aware of voices and movement around her. Somewhere above her, she heard a deep voice say, "Breathe. Please. You know you can." Obediently, Maria took a long, rasping gulp of air that tasted of metal and rubber.

Hands lifted her up, raising her torso into an upright position. She heard urgent commands being given, then the deep voice spoke to her again, comforting her, encouraging her. "Good girl! That's it. Just keep breathing. We'll do the rest."

Some days later (she was still unsure of the exact passage of time), Maria was sitting up in her bed. The room she was in was a hospital room. It had some things in common with the room she had been taken to to die in - white walls and a smell of disinfectant - but contained less equipment. When something was needed, it was extruded from the walls then returned to where it had come from. Light seemed to come from everywhere and nowhere. Voices spoke to her and made sure she was comfortable.

It was not easy to adjust to her new situation. There were some things that her mind just could not grasp. Chief amongst these was her appearance. When Maria had gone into hospital for the last time, she had been a middle-aged woman, dumpy in appearance and grey-haired. Now she had a young woman's body. It had the birthmarks and features that she had grown used to over the years, but without the accumulated fat, scars and marks from almost fifty years of life. Also, she felt weak and her movements were uncoordinated. It was unsettling to be in a new body.

She had been given a guide to help her adjust to her new life. His name was Joshua. At first she had taken him for an angel, but he had persuaded Maria that this was not the case.

"I'm human, just like you," Joshua explained. "That's all."

According to Joshua, Maria was now living in the real world. Before her 'death' she had been living in a simulation, a virtual world. When she had died, her personality and memories - everything that made her who she was - had been extracted from the simulation and placed into a living body.

"Why?" Maria asked her guide.

Joshua smiled reassuringly. "It's all part of how we manage our society. Once we lived and grew just like you did in there, in the Aleph. That caused a lot of problems. Strife. Conflict. Things like that. But you know all about that. After all, you were living there."

Maria nodded as she tried to assimilate this knowledge.

"So," Joshua continued, "we decided to create people to fit the world we wanted to live in." He sighed and shook his head. "That didn't turn out so well, either."

"Like in'Brave New World'?" Maria asked, prompted by memories of English lessons.

Joshua nodded and pointed at her. "Precisely. Fortunately we realised our mistakes and were able to learn from them. We found out we couldn't create the people we wanted. Instead, they had to create themselves. So, we built the Aleph as a sort of nursery and test chamber. We let it run and make new personalities. If we found any that had the traits we wanted, we brought them here and gave them new bodies - like we did with you."

"What about the rest? Do you just discard them?" Maria was horrified at the implications of what she had just heard.

Joshua shook his head. "No. We let them live out their lives in the simulation. Then, when they come to a natural end, we store them. We don't destroy them. That would be murder."

"But that's just - " Maria began.

"Playing God?" Joshua shrugged. "Yes. You could say that."

"And what about all the evil and suffering that happens in the Aleph? Isn't that wrong too?"

"We don't interfere in the workings of the Aleph. That would be wrong. Instead we leave things to free will and chance. If we interfered, then we would be making exactly the same mistakes we created the Aleph to avoid." He stopped for a moment. "All we do, all we allow ourselves to do is to show people what is meant to be the way they should live. Most of the philosophy and religion you remember from the Aleph comes from that."

Maria felt sick and dizzy. "So: Buddha, Jesus, Socrates - they were all just mouthpieces for your ideas?"

Joshua put out a hand to steady and reassure her. "Yes. But we never forced anyone to follow them or do as they said. We just tried to show the way. The final decision was always left to the individual."

Maria had thought about this for some time. The implications for her life - for the lives of everyone on the planet, real or virtual - were staggering. Eventually she came to a conclusion.

During one of her sessions with Joshua, Maria asked him, "What do I do when I leave here? When you think I'm ready?"

"Whatever you want," Joshua replied. "Free will, remember?"

"So, why did you pick me instead of somebody else?"

"Because you're a nurturer. You like to help others to grow. But you're not a fanatic about it. Quite the opposite, in fact. You help people to see their own potential and give them the tools to reach it sensibly and effectively. But you know that already. Why do you ask?"

Maria smiled. "I've been thinking, and I know what I want to do. There are so many people in there, in the Aleph, who could be out here if only they knew what life was all about. I want to help them realise what they can be. You've tried that with all those philosophers and prophets. I'm sure I can do what they did."

Joshua thought for a moment. "Yes," he said. "You could do that, but we would have to prepare you first, train you. People would have to come to you of their own accord, not because you forced them to. We'd have to train you how to do that, and how to cope when they reject you. It would be difficult, and there's no guarantee that you'll even be considered to go back into the Aleph. But, if you're willing, we can try. Are you willing?"

"I am," Maria said, her heart full of purpose. "I am."