Para Sa Akin (Dedicated To You Trilogy)

Ika-pito

To my sweet husband,

There were no days in my life that I never thought of you. The idea of you being my husband and a father to my child was so ideal that I cannot distinguish it from a dream.

Time. This is our greatest enemy. Yet we need it. We need time to heal. We need time to conceal. We need time to show how we love each other. We need time to nurture our baby with everlasting love.

I am so sorry, Neil, that I cannot give you so much time of my life. I am fighting but I can feel that I am almost near. I am tired. I am wasted. I am done. But what keeps me going is the idea of you, the idea of us, the idea of having Serin in our lives.

Yes, she is she. I am naming her Serin. Not particularly from our names, no ethical etymology nor basis, I just thought of it out of nothing. So name's been decided. Baby Serin it is.

Neil, I messaged you two days ago. And reality hit me big time. I need you, Serin needs you and you need me. So please come to me.

For whatever reason we became apart, for whatever circumstance happened before I ran away, let us not forget it but let us forgive ourselves. Neil, I love you so much, I hope you know. I know you cannot betray me, I know you are a good man and I am very sorry for doubting your faithfulness. Truth be told, I was alarmed because I was pregnant and there are chances you will not be happy about it, that is why when I saw you with her, it broke my heart into shattered pieces. It was devastating but I have to decide for myself and for Serin. But no matter how hard I try to extinguish my feelings, my love for you, I can't.

Please forgive me for being weak, for being sick. I know you'll tell me it wasn't entirely my fault, but it is. If only I cared for my health since the very beginning then this will never happen.

Neil, written in the envelope of this letter is an address. Please come find me.

I love you and see you soonest.

Your wife.