lostmyhead [d.h + p.l] book 2

第5章

dan didnt want to push any further phil's little episode, since he didn't want to make him upset. but, phil pushed it himself more.

"i have this stupid disorder, which was caused by my massive stress. its where i dissociate from reality. everyone does it once in a while, as a coping mechanism, but mine happens even when im not stressed, or even if i am, and its. weird." phil rambled. dan can tell he is having a hard time telling dan this, since he never really done it before. "a lot of the time, i dissociate in the sense of everything i touch isn't real, nothing is real, im not real, people around me isnt real, and it wont matter if i die. sometimes, if my stress is through the roof, i am literally out of my body and i am watching my life go on through a movie. the one with the body, is just going through daily life things, while me without a body, is watching it all happen. its really hard to explain, and its really hard to get back into my body when it happens. my roommate usually helps me with it."

dan wants to help phil with all this. he doesnt understand completely what he is going through, but dan wants to help.

"thank you for telling me this." dan said after a while. phil looked up shocked, and smiled.

"now you have to tell me things about you, i told you my biggest secret." phil said, and dan sighed, knowing it was going to happen eventually.

"i, uh," dan looked around phil's bare room, avoiding his eyes. "i have severe depression!" he said in a joking tone. "no really, i do, i was diagnosed a few years ago, and sometimes it is really hard to get up in the morning, or even get out of bed. sometimes i dont eat for a few days, i barely shower, i barely move, just because of depression."

phil was shocked, he knew depression was a serious manner, but he didn't know it could get this bad. "well thank you for coming out to my house." phil said with a smile. dan smiled back, looking phil in the eyes now.

"now what?" dan asked.

"wanna nap?" phil asked. dan laughed and nodded, getting up to lay on phil's bed. dan lays on his side, and phil wraps his arms around him. "is this okay?" phil whispered shyly. dan nodded and closed his eyes with a smile plastered on his face.

for the first time in a while, he fell asleep happy.

｡:+.゜ヽ(*′ω')ﾉﾞ｡:+.゜

dan woke up with his face in phil's chest. phil smelt like vanilla and lemon. dan looked up and saw phil was still sleeping soundly, his arms wrapped around dan. dan smiled and snuggled back in with phil, wrapping his arms around him more and squeezing tightly. this woke phil up, as dan would of thought, and phil moved his hands up and dan's bare back. he unwrapped his arms from dan and looked at dans sparkling, brown eyes.

"good morning." phil said. dan turned around to get his phone to see the time. it read 10:27 and dan groaned. "whats wrong?"

"nothing, im fine. im just, annoyed because its only ten in the morning." phil nodded while grabbing his phone.

"hey, my roommate is coming home soon, and i really dont want to see him at this moment, can we go to yours?" phil asked. dan nodded immediately, but regretting, since his flat is so messy, and phil seems relatively neat.

they get up, and go to dan's broken down car which he got for almost free.

dan drove back to his flat in just under 10 minutes in a comfortable silence.

once they reached his flat, the first thing he hear was his cat meowing that he'a hungry.

"okay, Picasso, you can wait a few seconds." dan spoke to the cat. "sit down on my couch while i feed my cat."

phil nodded, and sat down, looking around. his flat was rly messy, but phil ignored it bot really caring. there was clothes everywhere, cat hair everywhere, and so much more.

"sorry, i had to feed my cat." he murmured walking towards phil. phil just shrugged, understanding his circumstances.

phil spots a guitar on the ground, and his eyes light up.

"you play the guitar?" asked phil after a few seconds of silence.

"casually." dan replied smoothly.

"play something for me!" phil jumped up in his seat excitedly, and dan smiled.

"i havent played in a while." dan whispered as he got up and got his guitar, which was terribly out of tune. he tuned it to the closest he can and played a chord, which got phil really excited.

"play a song!" phil demanded, and dan laughed slightly.

"okay." dan put his fingers in the right position, and started to play yesterday by the beatles. this is the only song he really remembers by heart, so he decided to play it.

dan sings along as well, knowing he's not a musically talented person, but he tried his hardest.

he looked up and saw phil with a smile on his face and staring right at dan.

and dan gave back a real smile.