Therapy Session (Mac Prison)

Twenty Five: Damn Emotions

Mac sat on his bed, the bed across the room was empty. Mac rested his head in his hands, groaning silently. Great. Jesus was going to be his roommate. Fan-fucking-tastic. He had been planning on avoiding Jesus during his time in this prison, but clearly he had to socialize with Jesus. Mac sighed and laid down on the mattress, which was surprisingly comfortable. Then again, he was the first guy to be laying in it. He closed his eyes, exhaustion clouding his mind, as well as thoughts of the younger man who'd be his roommate. Fuck, why couldn't he stop thinking of him? Was it because of the kiss? Hell, Mac didn't even want the kiss! Jesus had forced it onto him! But shit, why did he... why did he enjoy the dream so much? He found a small part of him hoping he'd have a similar dream soon...

No! Quit thinking about that, you faggot! He almost heard his dad yell that. He groaned and stared up at the ceiling. Dinner was in an hour, but Mac didn't feel hungry. He closed his eyes, ready to just sleep and forget about everything that had happened that day. But sleep wasn't coming easily, and he found that he was worried about Jesus. He growled and grabbed the pillow, stuffing it over his face and screaming into it. "Fuck!" He bellowed. Why did he care? He shouldn't!

Trisha said - yeah, well Trisha also tired to hook up with him. How could he trust anything that she said?

What about your desperate need to trust? You've been kinda lonely... Mac groaned and bit the pillow. He just... he wasn't gay. He wasn't a gate gay either.

Then there was a pounding on the door, followed by a gruff guard. "Rodriguez! Dinner time!"

Mac groaned and sat up, throwing his pillow down and standing up. Maybe food would take his mind off of his struggles.

He left his cell and made his way down to hall, following the other inmates towards the cafeteria. Rick caught up quickly, and was walking beside Mac. Mac was glad that he and Rick had made up earlier. He hated being ignored by his friend. "Hey," Rick mumbled.

"Hey."

"Nice cells here. Hope we won't be here long, though. Got paired up with Lesley, dammit." Mac chuckled. Ah Lesley, the pedophile who Mac made sure would never think about a child like that again. Rick sighed. "I managed to save a picture of Carl and Judith. Shit I hope he doesn't get off on them."

"If he does, I'll fix him up, don' worry." Mac muttered. Lesley was a fucking creep, and damn Mac hated him.

Rick muttered under his breath but nodded, stuffing his hands into his pockets. "Who's your cellmate?"

Mac scoffed. So much for forgetting. "Jesus." He scowled.

"Ah." Rick glanced up at him, gnawing on his lip. "Can I ask you something?"

Mac rolled his eyes. "Yer gonna say it regardless."

Rick chuckled. "You're not wrong." Then he sighed and stared ahead, and Mac now noticed that the two of them were pulling up at the back. Rick glanced up at Mac again. "Why'd you save him?"

Mac's steps faltered and he sighed. "I 'unno." He mumbled.

Rick nodded. "Do you regret it?"

Mac bit his lip. He wanted to say yes, but... fuck what the hell was he feeling? Did he regret saving Jesus's life? Maybe it was only fair, considering Jesus's appearance in his dream a few nights ago seemed to have driven off that nightmare. And, well... Jesus knew what Mac was, and he didn't think he was a horrible monster. It was a first, besides Trisha. But Mac wasn't sure if he could always talk to Trisha about his troubles. Damn, he wished he knew what had happened in the closet and what he had rambled about. Maybe he had rambled about his fears of being a monster? If so, Jesus took it well and had stayed with him, helped him during his hangover. What if... what if Jesus hadn't forced the kiss onto Mac? Maybe Jesus wasn't the kind of guy to take advantage of a distressed guy, hopefully. He glanced down, his stomach twisting and churning while his lips started to tingle, as though someone had kissed him before. Maybe... fuck, what if Mac had initiated the kiss?

"Mac? Mac you there?" Rick asked, nudging Mac's shoulder.

"Hm?" Mac hummed half-heartedly.

"Do you regret saving Jesus?"

Mac started to worry his lip, glancing at Rick. Shit, what if Mac had started the kiss? Why would he? Fuck! Why were emotions so damn complicated?

Mac decided to answer with a simple shrug. "I 'unno."

Rick nodded, and paused, glancing over his shoulder at the empty cell block. "You know you can talk to me, right?"

Mac groaned and rolled his eyes. "Ya sound like Trisha." He muttered.

Rick chuckled, and they continued walking. "Is anything bothering you, though?"

Mac bit his lip and glanced around. Two guards were watching the rest of the prisoners make their was towards the cafeteria, not paying any attention to Rick and Mac. Mac gnawed on his lip, fear clinging to him. Fuck... was Trisha even going to be here? Mac sighed and glanced at Rick again.

"Meet me in my cell after dinner." He muttered.

Rick nodded once, and then they both headed to the dinning hall, where they would meet the other prisoners.