Sebastián

12..

I hope you guys are feeling well. This chapter may be a bit depressing. Just look out :)

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You ever feel like a piece is missing? That something is out of place, and it's not really comfortable. You go with the flow but at the same time it's weird not feeling complete. My life was like a fucked up puzzle.

You need all the coordinating pieces to complete a puzzle. Some puzzle may be harder to complete than other. Usually the problem is that you can't find that other piece. It's missing. That missing piece was my father.

You tend to feel frustrated or irritation when you can't put that one piece to complete it. You can't find it. So you just give up. I'm giving up on him. When I fall asleep, my brain always reminds me of that night. I start talking and crying in my sleep.

There's been multiple occasions where my mom had to hold me until I fell into slumber again. I was very familiar of the taste of salt in my tears. I've cried over the man that left me because of his stupidity.

I was mad because I didn't understand why he did the things he did. I didn't at the time until the night he got arrested. Days after that, I'd learn every fucking detail of why the cops were after him. And quite frankly, I didn't blame them. I wish he was smarter.

Black men are taken away from their children, significant others, and family everyday. Most of the time it's because they're making stupid decisions. Then there are those times when police can be very unfair, and somewhat racist.

Other than those times, they are hardheaded and it makes me angry. Angry that my dad wasn't smart enough to think about his wife and kid first before he acted upon his actions. I'm angry that was he reckless. I tell myself that if he hadn't done the shit he did, our relationship would be fine. He'd be able to do everything regular dads do.

I'd be much happier if it was that way. But luck wasn't on my side that night. I've come to hate him all these years for making me feel like this.

To know I'll be seeing his face again just makes me upset. If he didn't make the dumb decisions that he made, he could see me day and night.

Can you really blame me for feeling the way I do? My mom sure doesn't. She knows that my dad is a sensitive topic to just bring up. You would always feel tension arising whenever someone would mention "daddy". The day I walked out, she knew whatever she said that could've stopped me from going out that door, wouldn't have mattered. When I'm angry I get aggressive and nonchalant. I could care less about the things I say or do at gay moment. Which is what exactly happened.

I laid on my bed, hands behind my head, placed on top of my pillow. My legs were widespread across my bed. I was staring at the ceiling. The curtains on my window made the room look like a faint pastel pink tint. The sound of my ceiling fan is accompanied me, until I heard a knock on my door. It was short, and the my door opened quick and fast. My mother looked around trying to find me.

"I made burgers." As she said that, the aroma of beef filled my nose. My stomach started to turn, making me feel hungry. I didn't respond, only response was silence.

"Chase."

"Don't act like you don't hear me talking to you."

More silence. She sighed.

"Chase, I'm not playing these games. I'm talkin' to you."

"But I'm not talking to you." I heard a scoff. She walked in and got close to my legs. She yanked my legs and pulled me down to my carpet. I yelped and I immediately felt pain. I glared at her while trying to sit up.

"You must've gained some courage. Too bad it won't be tolerated. The disrespect will get you hurt." She scowled.

"I'm sorry." I mumbled.

"Get up girl." I stood up and sat on the edge of my bed. She sat next to me.

"Listen Chase. You're gonna have to face the music. You're dad has made mis-"

"-mistakes that could've been prevented if he was smarter."

"Chase you've made plenty of stupid mistakes, but no one was as hard on you like you're being as hard on your dad." I scoffed.

"So you can actually say that you weren't mad at what he did to us? He left you here to do all the work of raising a child. He left you here all alone to deal with me."

"And I'm doing a damn well good job of it. You turned out just fine without him being around and that's all that really matters." She reasoned.

"And I'll be just fine without him being around momma." I huffed. I felt tears coming. I felt my face about to scrunch up from all the emotion I'm feeling.

She looked at me with a sad expression. She looked down at her hand, her wedding ring. The ring still looked beautiful, she never took it off ever since that day. No matter how mad she got at him for all the dumb shit he's done, she never took it off.

"Do you know how kids have actually lost their father, who don't have a father at all? The kids who know they'll never see their dad again? It's hard out here for black men Chase. Whether it's them doing stupid things or them being stereotyped. Be glad that he's not dead, but instead got time in jail. Hell, be glad that he even survived in jail for this long."

"Chase take advantage of the things you have. Be grateful that you still have one. Your father has the right mindset now. Did you know from all his time spent there, he's had good behavior? He's been staying to himself, and have been gaining more knowledge for him to better hisself. He's not the same guy you knew when you were a kid. He's much better and he's feels so much guilt for leaving you with me by myself." Tears started to fall down my face.

She smiled. "He loves you babygirl. He misses you so much. He bettered himself not just for him, but for you. For the sake of his family. So you couldn't always look back at the idiotic guy he was back then. "

She wiped the tears from my face. I looked at her and she looked at me. She really was a beautiful woman. Her hair was short than mine, she had a small curly fro. Her curl pattern was more defined. Her hazel brown eyes complimented her chocolate brown skin. The curve of her lips was a nice shape, and she had nice high cheekbones. My dad knew what he was doing.

"Three months Chase. Remember that." She said as she grabbed my chin. "Those burgers are getting cold. Go eat." She said while patting my face.

She got up and out of my room. After that conversation, my mind was swirling with different things. She really has me thinking. Not only about my dad, but about how those burgers would taste.

•••

Hey babes ❤️

Your update is here. I hope you liked it, even though there wasn't any Sebastian. It's good not to have him, because I feel like this chapter was needed. Let's you inside more about her and her mothers relationship.

K I'll see you guys later

Xoxo ❤️