Playing With Fire

Chapter 2

I stepped out of the shower feeling a little better. I kind of went overboard with the drinks last night. Speaking of last night, I still hadn't turned on my phone. It kept buzzing every second. 30 voicemails. 29 from David and one from his sister Anna. 47 text messages and I couldn't even count how many on social media. I decided to listen to the voicemails while patting dry my hair. At first he was angry and sounded aggressive like he used to be when he was abusive. It put me off and I almost wanted to stop listening to the voicemails all together.

In that very moment, he made me realise why i left him to start with. He was violent, aggressive and controlling. However I decided to continue listening anyways. The next few voicemails, he had worry in his voice. He had been to my house and found that I wasn't there. Next he was panicking, thinking something happened to me and told me to just let him know I was alright. And finally, there were tears. In the 4 years I'd been with him, I'd never seen him cry. Not once. Not even when his great Aunt or grandmother passed away, I saw no emotions. Nothing. So this felt strange.

I won't lie it did break my heart to hear him like that. I wasn't ready to hear his voice; at least not over the phone so I sent him a text letting him know I was okay and asking if we can link up for coffee to talk. He responded almost immediately.

" Smith's coffee shop & cafè. 30 minutes. "

So formal. I was bracing myself like I was a student facing the principal. I was almost scared to show up. I didn't know what I was going to say. Of course, I wanna be a wife someday and go through planning my wedding and have the wedding dress fittings and all that comes with it. I just wasn't sure if I wanted it at this point in my life. I also wasn't sure David was the person I wanted waiting for me at the end of the aisle when the time came.

I opted for a halter top, skinny jeans, ankle boots and a blazer. I had my hair up in a messy bun and drove with my shades on due to the hangover. The coffee shop was a five minute drive from home so I got there in time. I walked in and my heart almost dropped. There he was, sitted in a corner booth alone. Our corner booth alone, just staring between his watch and the door. Looking nervous. When his eyes met mine, I kept looking at the floor and took my sunglasses off when I sat down. He looked like he hadn't had a wink of sleep and I don't blame him. Not sure how I'd react if it was turned around. He wasn't the bad guy; at least not this time around .

I didn't even know what to say .

" Hey. " I blurted out. I mentally slapped myself. 'Hey'? Really? How do I even say that after ripping someone's heart out?

" Hello. " He said. There was some sorrow in his voice. Man! The tension in here could be cut with a chainsaw. Luckily, the waitress came over with 2 cappuccinos and a blueberry muffin. This was always our order except there would be 2 muffins instead of one. He pushed the muffin towards me.

' I'm not hungry. "
" I understand. " I said. How could I even eat at a time like this? I asked the waitress to pack it in a to - go box. Looking at him was extremely hard. He looked like he had been run over and then kicked in the nuts. The silence was getting louder and he decided to just rip the band aid off.

" I'm sorry I asked you to marry me so soon. You obviously don't fully trust me after everything and I should have been a little more patient with you. "
He said while his hands hugged the coffee cup set before him. Now I'm the one who felt like I was kicked in the vagina.

" No. I'm the one who panicked and cracked under the pressure . I'm really sorry and I guess it was all very sudden. "

More silence. Gosh! This was torture. I don't watch horror movies but at this point, sitting through one would be much better than this.

" Look Mikayla, I know I wasn't the best boyfriend to u and didn't always treat u right. I deserve to hate me after all I put you through . You staying with me after all that and even being here is something I can't even describe.  Obviously you still need time to heal and I need to work on myself if I want to be a good husband someday. I just wanted to let u know that Im really sorry. I do regret everything I put you through.  If it wasn't for all that we'd be married by now or probably somewhere happy.

                I tried my best to hold in my tears but I couldn't help it.  Here I was crying. Again. I still deeply loved the man sited in front of me despite everything he ever put me through. He got up from his side of the booth and sat beside me hugging me.  I don't know why but this felt therapeutic. All these years, I never got an apology from David.  Not a single one. He released me and I gave him a hug, picked up my cappuccino and walked out of the coffee shop. There was nothing left to say. A part of me felt at peace because I finally had closure that he was remorseful  for all the things he did to me. It was time for me to finely move on from that situation.  No bad blood or anything.  I just needed to find my inner peace and most of all, I needed to find myself.