crush imagines

why

why can't mental illness be like any other kind of sickness
where you go to the hospital and your loved ones come and give you flowers
or balloons
and tell you that they love you and hold your hand
and make sure you get better,

why doesn't that ever happen instead of
awkward silences
and embarrassing tears
and messy bedsheets
and a bunch of other stuff
no one actually talks about?

this is really important, our society finds depression an awkward conversation to talk about.
people call depressed people attention seekers or fakers.
the truth is, they're hurting.
they need someone to comfort them in hard times.
i once read this quote that said 'we cut and kill flowers because we think they are beautiful,
but we cut and kill ourselves because we think the opposite'. it spoke to me in ways nothing else has. during these last three months i had art class with this girl who had scars from cutting all over her body. i gave her smiles but we never really spoke. i wanted to talk to her but decided it would be too 'awkward'. the girl was hurting and i did nothing to help her! i could've asked her if she was okay, or if she wanted to talk, but instead, i did nothing.
i'm pretty sure she transferred schools or i her parents took her out because i don't see her in class or at school anymore and i regret not being able to help her. i just hope she's happy.
if you see someone hurting, physically and/or mentally, ask them if they want to talk. if you don't, you will regret it.
change society, people!

i never read something so powerful and deep as that flower poem and i spent so long thinking about it that i got lost in my thoughts for hours and hours.
depression is serious.
sadness causes depression,
loneliness causes depression,
hurting causes depression,
but most of all, people cause depression.
it hurts me when i see people going around judging people because of their hair or their outfits.
especially if they call someone too fat or too skinny.
that hurts people.

depression is a really important topic to me, (i never told anyone this but,) mainly because in grade eight i went through this stage of life where i couldn't tell if i was depressed or not.
i spent nights crying myself to sleep silently but in the morning i'd smile and play it off like nothing happened because no one knew about my condition. i'd go back to smiling and acting happy, when really, my soul was shattered.
it took me a month of shutting myself out of the world at nights trying to get myself back together.
it never worked.
i'd ask god to help me and guide me and i started to wonder if he existed.
little did i know, he sent me angels. during the summer (when i made this book) i went to bible camp and i was happy again.
i became genuinely happy because of the people who helped me, supported me, and loved me while i was going through a hard time.
god gave me those friends for a reason.
camp was filled with nights of crying with each other, but healing too.
it taught me a lot and shaped me into the person i am today, even though it hasn't been long since my dark days.
if you are hurting (serious or not) speak to someone who you trust with your life. speak to me if you need to, i have time.
saying you can't be sad because others have it worse is like saying you can't be happy because others have it better.
sometimes it's good to let those feelings out and cry and cry. sometimes you need to to feel better afterwards.

if you haven't been told this today;
you are loved,
you are ridiculously beautiful,
you are smart,
you are talented,
and you are enough.

all my love,
amanda.