Alpha Dog and Omegalomaniac (Patrick Stump Fanfic)

Chapter Nineteen

Hours passed and the rain never slowed. We retreated back to my house in search for the tent. Finally finding it, we threw it in the trunk and drove to the spot in the woods. I was tingling with excitement. I craved the silent peace of the woods and the feeling of Patrick beside me.

Arriving at the site, we unloaded the tent as fast as possible to avoid the rain. I have never set up a tent so fast in my life. Before we left, I made sure to pack blankets and pillows into the truck as well. We threw them into the tent and made a makeshift bed on the ground.

It was pretty dark out already, but the storm made it pitch black. Thankfully the strong winds blew most of the clouds away. The sky was clear and the stars were brighter than ever. The rain was deafening on the top of the plastic tent, which prevented us from saying anything.

We laid down in our bundle of blankets, shoulder to shoulder. My hands were laced across my stomach, my feet crossed at the ankle. I was so comfortable and calm I could fall asleep right then and there. Patrick rolled to his side and propped himself up on his forearm.

"Hey Bree?" I turned my head to face him.

"Yeah?"

"I've been thinking. When I turn eighteen, I want to move to L.A. Maybe start a music career." I gulped. "And I was wondering if you wanted to come with me?" I squeezed my eyes shut.

"I really want to Patrick, I do. But I can't just up and leave everything behind." I thought about what I had said. What exactly would I be leaving behind? My parents? All children move away eventually, they would be expecting it. But what about school? We both still had another year left, no matter when we turned eighteen.

"I know. I've been considering it for a really long time. Like before-I-met-you long. I was planning to drop out but if you want me to wait for you I will." It killed me how kind and willing he was. To hold off his dream for a year would be too much to ask.

"I can't do that to you. You know that."

"And you know that I'd do anything for you." I wondered how after years of having no one, I managed to find someone so incredible.

"Don't you want to finish school too? I mean isn't that kind of important?" He chuckled.

"Well of course if you wanted to I would. I'm willing to stay for a year Bree. It's not a big deal."

I thought about it for a few more minutes. "Okay, I'll go." I was still a little unsure, since I've had very little independent life experience. And even though I was going to be a senior, I hadn't even thought about college. I guess school wasn't the most troubling thing in my life. I made a mental note to look at good colleges near Los Angeles. Even if Patrick was able to sustain a successful music career, I wanted to be able to take care of myself. I would feel guilty if he was the only one bringing in a decent amount of money.

I didn't want to think of the future right now. It was too stressful of a topic to be thinking about on a rainy summer night. But the ideas wouldn't leave my head. How will I tell my parents? How long will live together? How will we pay for it? I tried to focus on the rain to calm my nerves.

"I'm sorry I stressed you out. I didn't mean to." I stopped and looked at him confused. His eyes pointed at my hands, which I happened to be wringing furiously. I cursed my subconscious for exposing my weakness. I rolled onto my side and looked at him.

"It's not your fault. I just worry too much." He scooted closer to me and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear.

"I understand. As soon as something even remotely upsetting happens I turn into a nervous wreck." I laughed at how relatable it was. It made me feel better knowing he understood.

"I haven't thought of my future at all. And now it's all coming down on me at once." It felt good to open up to him, even for a little bit. "I don't have anyone to talk to at school and it's difficult to feel normal. Because I'm not normal." I covered my face with my hands and rubbed my eyes, forcing the tears to stay in. "I don't know what I'm doing and it seems like I'm getting nowhere in my life." Curse myself for keeping my emotions inside. I hold it in for so long until something hits me hard and everything pours out at once. The tears came flooding out. "I hate keeping this secret from my parents, it's such a burden. But I'm afraid if I tell them they won't believe me. Or even worse they'll think I'm crazy. Yet there's nothing I can do to prove it to them except change right in front of them and I'm not ready to do that. I don't know if I'll ever be ready." I sniffed hard wiped my eyes. I moved to the corner of the tent and wrapped my arms around my knees, resting my head in the space between. "It's too much." I whispered, hiccuping on a sob.

The rain slowed to a sprinkle. Without it, the silence that was deafening. Neither of us moved.

"Bree I-" Patrick reached out to touch my arm but I twisted away before I got a chance.

"Don't!" My voice was close to a yell. He yanked his arm back. "I'm sorry, I...I just want to be alone. Please." I was thankful for the darkness. I couldn't bring myself to look at his face, knowing I'd hurt him. He didn't deserve to be caught up in my emotions. He was just trying to help. Without saying anything, he got up and walked out of the tent. My throat felt tight from crying as I licked the salty tears from my lips.

A few minutes later I exited the tent and found Patrick leaning against a tree a few feet away. He was staring at the ground with his hands in his pocket. When he heard me approach he looked up and gave a sad smile. I tried to smile back but my lips quivered and fell short. He opened his arms and I ran to him, pressing my face into his shirt.

"I'm scared, Patrick. You're the only thing that makes me happy. I don't want to lose you." He kissed the top of my head and walked me to the car.

"I'll clean up the tent. Wait here, okay?" I sat in the passenger seat of his car, wishing I could be home in my bed. I felt drained from my outburst of feelings. I came out here to relax but my anxiety seemed to have other things planned. I felt horrible for ruining Patrick's night and promised to make it up to him later.

He returned shortly and drove me home in silence. I wanted to ask him to stay but figured I needed the alone time anyways. It was clear I needed some time to myself. We said goodnight in the driveway before he drove back home. I walked into the house an hour earlier than expected, so both my parents were still up. When my mom saw me she asked if I had been crying, but I blamed it on the rain. It was easier that way. As I laid in bed, I almost hoped she wouldn't look out the window only to see that it was dry. But at this point, I didn't care.

♡Lots of stuff after 6 months with no update. Sorry about that. I have to be honest, I kind of ran out of ideas for a bit. But now I'm back and I think I have some cool stuff coming up so yeah. The chapter might be a little short but there's a lot of substance.♡

p.s. When I was writing this I was listening to Happy by Marina and the Diamonds and that song gets me everytime and I lowkey died inside bye I'm not crying