I've Found You

Chapter 8: Fighting Is Not Love

I groaned as I sat in the washracks. It's been a week since Optimus and I interfaced last. I started yaking up everything in my tanks about a day or so after we returned. I haven't told anyone. I have it narrowed down to one of two things. Either I was sparked or I had a common sickness that bots my age got. They both sound about right. 

The reason I haven't scanned myself, even though I am allowed to do so, is that I don't want sire or carrier finding out and then telling Optimus. I'm not even sure I'm ready to be a carrier. I don't want my sparkling having the same disease my carrier and I had. I want him or her to grow up with a normal life.

"Silver?", I looked up and my optics widen at the sight of Optimus, "Is everything alright?"

"Yeah. I'm fine. Just debating about stuff. Nothing to worry about.", I smiled, my optics returning to their normal size.

"Are you regretting something?", Optimus asked, a frown on his faceplate.

My helm snapped up towards him, "Primus, no! Optimus, why would you ever think that?!"

He looked down then met my gaze again, "You're keeping something from me. Why?"

"Optimus, its things I don't even understand. When I figure out what it is, I will tell you. I promise. I love you and no one is going to change that. Not even my brother.", my servo flew up to my mouth and I looked away.

"Brother?", he asked.

"Oh, Primus. What have I done? He told me to never tell anyone. Not even sire knows. Nor his best friend! I suppose I can tell you, as long as you don't tell anyone.", I looked up at him.

"Are you saying that you do not trust me?", he asked and put his servos on his hips.

Primus, he's so sexy when he does that.

"No! I'm not saying that.", I started, Optimus cut me off.

"Then what are you saying? That you only said yes to bonding with me because I'm a Prime?!", he snapped, my optics widened twice their size, "Or that you just wanted a good frag?!"

I started crying, "No! I love you because you put others before yourself, you make sure my needs are met before yours, that the team is 100% before going into battle, Optimus, you care about others, your loyal, your willing to put your life on the line so that Cybertron can be saved, you try to change the Decepticons' mind about destroying everything, you protect the humans without a second thought. That's why I love you! I love you because you are you!"

His optics flickered red and he growled, "Get out."

"Optimus-", he cut me off.

"I said GET OUT!", he yelled, I got up and ran out of the room in tears.

I ran past Smokescreen and Bulkhead and into a room that no one goes in at all, it's like my own personal training room. The door opened and I heard pedes, soft ones and heavy ones.

"Silver, you alright?", Bulkhead asked, I didn't answer.

"Bulk, come on. Let's leave her be. She obviously wants sometime-", I cut the rookie off by hugging him and letting the tears flow.

Bulkhead rubbed my back struts and I let him hold my servo in his much larger one.

"What's wrong, kid?", Bulkhead asked.

"He doesn't-t tru-ust m-me a-anym-more. He thinks I-I'm u-using h-him for a g-good f-fragging. Th-that I l-love h-him just bec-cause he's a p-prim-me.", I cried onto Smokescreen's shoulder plate.

"Oh. Poor kid.", Bulkhead muttered and the two sat down, laying me in Smoke's lap.

Smokescreen is like a younger brother to me. Y'know the one that you just wanna strangle because they annoy you so much but in the end, you really need? A knock on the door caused the two mechs to look at me, I nodded to Bulk and he opened the door. Wheeljack looked down at me and Smoke then looked at Bulk.

"Can I talk to you?", he asked him, Bulk looked at me.

'Don't worry, sis. We are only going to talk. I won't be far.', came the voice of my brother over our bond.

I nodded to Bulkhead, signaling that it was okay and he left.

Bulkhead's POV

I walked out of the room and Jackie took the grenade from off his waist as I closed the door. He started examining it.

"What's going on with her?", Jackie asked.

"She upset because Optimus doesn't trust her and thinks that she only wants him because he's a Prime and that she wants a good fragging.", Jackie growled and I put a servo on his chassis, "Don't kill him. She needs you right now. Your her best friend and you seem to calm her down whenever your around."

"Fine.", Jackie sighed and opened the door.

Normal POV

'Jackie is coming in!', my brother said and I mentally nodded.

He walked in and I stood up, still crying. Smokescreen got up and looked at me.

"I'll see you later, sis.", Smokescreen smiled sadly at me and left, closing the door behind him.

Jackie looked over at me and I ran into his arms, crying my optics out.

"I-its not f-fair! I'm sick and he treats me like crap! I'm sorry, Jackie. I broke my promise. I accidentally said brother and when he asked, I was going to explain it to him but it when I asked if he could keep it a secret, he yelled at me and acted as if I didn't trust him. He yelled at me to get out and it scared me. I've never seen this side of Optimus. Not even when he was Orion.", I cried.

"Hey, hey, hey. Shhhh. It's okay.", Jackie rubbed circles on my back, "I'm here now. You want to stay with me in my ship while he cools down?"

I nodded and he opened the door, the two of us heading up to the ship.

3rd person:

As the two walked to the Jackhammer, a certain Prime was having a battle within his mind that he was loosing. He was loosing the battle because she cried and it was because of him. He took control as soon as the young bot awoke. Optimus laid on his bed, his servos covering his tear-stained faceplate.

Optimus had hoped that this mech was gone. Forever. Oh how wrong he was. Instead of going into the allspark, the mech went into Optimus' mind and took control. He had hoped that he wouldn't take control and yell at his sparkmate but he did. Now, Silver was convinced that her mate hated her and didn't trust her.

Oh how wrong she was. All Optimus wanted to do was to explain the situation to her. To apologize a million times. To hug the life out of her. To be able to feel her soft lips on his. Oh how he longed to feel her touch, the way he shivered beneath her servo. It was something he missed and he may not get it back for a long time. All because of him. Because of his sire. Because of the mech that left him and his creator behind to join up with the gladiators and soon became a Decepticon and killed his own mate.

"This is not love.", Optimus said to his sire, "This is fear."