Saved By A Bad Boy

[17]. Masks...

I began approaching Jax slowly, not wanting to abruptly disturb him. He was leaned up against the tree, his disheveled black hair looking especially untidy. His eyes were closed, and his chest was rising and falling gently as he sat there on the grass. Anyone who came upon him could've mistaken him for being in a peaceful sleep, but I knew better than that. This sleep was far from peaceful. It was the kind of sleep one goes into when they want to escape reality for just a little while.

And, I suppose, that's what Jax was doing. Or at least, that's what he was trying to do.

"What are you doing here, Alyssa?" He asked, his voice hoarse. His eyes remained closed, and his lips had barely moved when he asked that. I just began wondering if I had imagined the words when he spoke again. "Answer me." I hesitated, stepping closer until my feet came about half a meter from his.

"I came to check on you," I whispered, nervously biting my lip as I awaited his response. To my surprise, he actually lifted one of his eyelids, so that I could see into the swirling depths of his ocean blue eyes. The pain in them was evident, looking so hurt that my heart broke just a little bit more.

"You came to check on me?" He repeated bitterly.

"Yes, and..." I paused again. "And I wanted to be with her today." I didn't need to specify who the "her" was. Jax knew who I was talking about.

"Then go to the graveyard," he snapped. "That's where they put her body, right?"

"Yeah, but the rest of her is still right here," I found myself saying. Jax's other eye opened, and he turned to look at me just briefly. His gaze was empty and longing, and I was sure mine didn't reflect anything different. He shifted his eyes ahead again.

"That's something she would say," he murmured.

"Are you okay?" I asked hesitantly. His gaze snapped to mine again, cold and empty, just like it was a couple months ago.

"Do you really think I could be?" Jax asked incredulously. My eyes dropped to the grass beneath my feet, and I stared down at my Converse sneakers when answering.

"Yes. I think you could be someday," I said. Even though I refused to make eye contact with him, I could feel him peering at me.

"Are you serious?" He asked, and the anger in his tone didn't affect me nearly as much as the pain did. "I will never be okay, Alyssa. Don't pretend you know anything about this." This time, I did look up, and I met his cold glare with an emotionless mask that I had been perfecting over the years. I guess, in a way, that made me no different than him. We all had masks, and we all wore them from day to day.

Some were just better than others.

"You're forgetting that I loved her too. You're forgetting that I was there when my father died, and you're forgetting that I've dealt with plenty of grief in my past," I told him, my voice wavering ever so slightly. "We've all lost people we love, Jax. We've all felt pain. That's why we're fit to help each other."

"I don't need your help."

"Actually, you do. Even though we haven't exactly been friends for the past year, Maya's told me plenty about you. You sneak out of the house, you party and drink, and you've ignored everyone who cares about you," I said, my stare hard as I held his gaze with mine. "Have you forgotten that you have other family, too?"

"I don't have family!" Jax yelled. "I'm parentless, Alyssa. No mom, no dad. You think my cousins can replace that? Or Norah or Richard? All they want to do is make me open up about my mom. Of course I don't talk to them. And they couldn't ever take my mother's place." He worked his jaw for a second before adding bitterly, "At least you've always had your mom."