the blue journal

six ♙

chapter six | jung hoseok

05/27/17

hey, whoever is reading this, which is probably no one. you know why i'm writing in here again, it's because i had to ruin someone's friendship with me, and his name is jung hoseok, my little brother's best friend.

the story between me and hoseok is nothing special, really. it all started off somewhere when i was a sophomore and jungkook was a freshman. jungkook happened to get mud all over his clothes from being pushed into the field, and hoseok was there to lend him clothes.

that's how their friendship started blossoming, and then hoseok started coming to our house often, but when he did, i never really came out of my room. hoseok and me were both sophomores, but i didn't really pay attention to him.

there was this one time though, in our freshman year, where we went to this party that a senior threw to welcome everyone new to the school, there actually was alcohol that i did not know of, and i ended up making out with hoseok in a huge closet, so that's why it was a little bit awkward when he became my brother's best friend.

anyways, there was this one day that hoseok slept over, and i didn't know of this. i woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water, and thank god i wasn't just in my underwear and a t-shirt, like i usually would be. i was wearing pajama pants and a tank top, and when i was gulping down my glass of water, hoseok came downstairs.

"oh! you're here, i didn't know. heh, you scared me."

his laugh could make millions of people smile, no wonder why his nickname is "sunshine". he's literally the walking sun.

and then that night, we kind of opened up to each other. we had a great talk, just a friendly one. talking about our differences and similarities, he was someone that i looked forward to hanging out with in the future.

but, today, i hurt him. i hurt him so badly, that i don't even want to talk about what i had said to him. it was cruel, it made him break down, and he even yelled at me, and i've never seen him angry. i'll let you guys know that it was about a guy named hyunwoo who had died, but that's it. i hated myself when i said everything, i felt terrible and guilty after.

now i know that me and hoseok will never be speaking again, and i'm never going to be coming out of my room when he came over, because every time that i see him, i'm going to be reminded of the terrible things i had said to him. but now, at least, he'll be fine when i leave this world.

the next person i'm aiming for is a close friend of mine; kim seokjin.

-

june 1st, 2017.

seokjin could never have felt more guilty in his life, he hates you, but he couldn't help but think he was one of the reasons that you killed yourself. maybe when he yelled at you, it pushed you over the edge. was it too much for you? well, in defense, you did say some cruel things too...

seokjin hates the feeling of guilt, he despised it as much as he despised you. but he knew he could live with it, after all, you didn't even care when you said the most terrible things to him.

he stood in his home, bobbing his head to the music as he cooked his dinner, his parents weren't going to be home for a little bit, so he had to do all the cleaning and cooking.

but, i should let you know that your death, was nowhere in his mind right now, because like you guessed, he hates you.