the blue journal

seven ♚

chapter seven | kim seokjin + jeon jungkook

05/28/17

i'm not even going to get into the introduction and what the hell i did today, because everyone should know. i fucking destroyed a friendship with yet another person. it gets harder every goddamn time, but i know that i have to do this, no matter how much i hate it.

kim seokjin is like an older brother to me, whenever someone hurt me, i went to him. he was there for me, every single time. but being me, i had to ruin our friendship. seokjin was a family friend, i've known him since i was in diapers, i don't even want to get into how we got into the stupid fight today.

i did get into another fight, with the person i was saving for last. jeon jungkook, my own brother. i wanted to save him for last because i just couldn't bring myself to argue with my brother, after all, he's my baby brother. i love him, and nothing is worse than watching your own family hate you. your own blood. i actually didn't even have to come up with a way to make jungkook hate my guts, because it seems like he already does.

i'll try to remember the exact details of what happened, how it seemed jungkook was feeling, and how i was feeling, but it was kind of a blur to me.

"hobi hyung and jin hyung told me what you said to them," once those words fell out of jungkook's mouth, i froze, looking at my brother who was already staring at me with such hate, it hurt. it hurts so much.

"why the fuck would you say those things to them!?" i wanted to tell him the truth, i really did. but i can't, and it's eating me up. so i took a deep breath, letting a simple lie slip from my mouth.

"because it's true! just like you, being a fucking brat who pisses everyone off, is true," i shouted back at him, and it angered him even more, so we continued screaming at each other, bickering and arguing over and over again. "that is the worst thing you can do to your brother's best friend! to a family friend! you're disgusting y/n, you don't belong in this family. you say horrible things to people who care about you without even taking into consideration how they feel. jin hyung helped you with everything, hoseok was there for you, and this is the thanks you give them?"

i slammed my book on the table, staring at jungkook with the best bitchy look i could give, he let out a sarcastic laugh. "also, don't think that i haven't heard about what happened to all your other guy friends, because i have. namjoon? jimin? taehyung? yoongi? yeah, i've heard already. you hurt them so badly and you're acting like you don't even care."

"that's because i don't," i said to him, before storming off into my room. and that's where i let the tears stream out, i began to regret my decision, making everyone i love hate me. everyone i love hates me, wants me dead, and at first, i thought this would be a good idea, but this hurts, too much.

but the deed is already done, and i can do what i was planning on doing now. there's no way i can make my parents hate me, it would be too much for me to handle. i need to do this now, with no note, no explanation, no nothing.

this has been the end of y/n's journal, and lets just hope that it's never found.