In the Beginning God

5 On or Off

From the time it was “off” until the time it was “on” it was a thing to be turned on and the function that writes was to be accessed.  Now the thing is as my mind, writing that we read together.  The truth is what we discover here together must be so it need not be me who writes it, nor you, nor God, the Weeper or anyone else, but that it must be written for it is being written for it to be understood in the form of writing.

If with your physical eye you stare into a light all the time, you will do things to your eye that should not be done and even damage your eye.  Then you will see the world with the rest of your senses and your mind; you will be physically blind and yet you will see.  It is where you see from and what you see with I write from now. 

Not that I have stared at a light so long as to ruin my physical eye though my physical eye has some anomalies, for I have not.  But I underwent a rather common surgery in both eyes, and when my eyes were healing they saw things surprisingly different as my mind adjusted to the new way my eyes work.  When I relaxed my mind what I saw was the real world, but my mind did not know what my physical eyes were telling it, and even now after they are well healed I do not see what I did before with my mind.  I only see now what is normal, I do not see the detail I once saw but only the relatively blurry environment the average eye sees.  And, there is a certain amount of loss of vision I miss greatly but 20 20 should be enough to suffice for me.  But the point is that our vision is comprised only in part by our physical eyes, our brains and therefore our minds are a very important component. 

It is the same in the spiritual world, our brains being physical are somewhat flawed by what we eat, what we did with our brain, and even the drugs we take.  Never before has it been more important that we use our brains in a manner that will produce useful results and yield valuable information to other as we share our minds.  For the spiritual world like the sentient world must have things it expects to see or it will see things, strange things even, and even stranger things as confusion sets in.  We run the chance of becoming spiritually blind and being stuck with the way a scientist’s mind believes the physical world to be as the only world there is.  Yes, that’s right, that horrible Godless world the twisted minds of the scientists from psychological thinkers, to mathematicians, and from likeminded poets to those who write the instructions for how to set the time on your microwave oven, we will be tormented by complexities like this writing explaining what once was natural when the world was more like God intended and less like the inventors and moneymakers envisioned it, complex, cruel, and unyieldingly captivating, a free spirit the thing of the past and a mind like mine seen as enough of an anomaly for some people to judge me insane much of the time if not at all times.

The nature of that we look at spiritually is the same at first know it or not.  We are either tuned in to what we are now dealing with at any moment or we are not.  We are “on” or we are “off” for even partially engaged in what we are examining we are “on” to some extent and being “off” is either a lack of consciousness; unformed, comatose, dead or otherwise occupied, the latter the one I shall refer to, the others being mere physical anomalies of these dreaded physical costumes we wear called bodies, dead things waiting to be shed and carried to the trash bins of reality.  Ideally to be “off” is to be like the spirit we invest to keep this worthless costume alive, to feed it, clothe it, give it shelter and take care of it to the extent it is possible for us to keep ourselves and humans alive, which invariably ends in a disgusting end the more technology, a scientific way of doing things, is applied; proof in my mind that science leads to the horrific, Frankensteinian, and ultimately the alienation of humanity itself from itself.

“On” physically I am perhaps at my best in any state not sexual for to continue the plight of the human condition seems counterproductive and a furtherance of a more and more dystopian existence.  But “on” physically and “on” spiritually and multitasking we are best not engaged in boring activity.  When I write for example, my brain is “on” in the spiritual mode and in my physical mode to some extent at the same time.  Much of what my body does or needs is distracting to my mind and my mind’s need for a lack of distraction is counterproductive to my body.  Ideally I am able to write undeterred by pain, itch, temperature concerns, hunger, lack of hunger . . . a whole gambit of negative and positive things, and entirely engaged in the writing process, a state wherein my body actually sometimes assists my efforts to write by performing the necessary deeds required to do the physical part of writing and to do them better and better to the point they are nearly as automatic to my physical brain as breathing or seeing. 

There was a time when I loved my body.  I didn’t seem to be able to keep my mind off it.  Now that I can write there is so much I want to say, so much that may even be important to others to say, and I have a chance given the tools that I have to say them.  I am as this chapter testifies to, no longer blind from a sentient point of view, turned on physically even when there is nothing physical going on and so bored, a scientific Frankensteinian being as scientist are increasingly revealed to be mad, and waiting to grow old enough or bold enough to die while putting up with my body dreading its end, and trying secretly to care for it against my own best interests yearning for a completion time. 

It is not that I am unhappy here in this world of babies, misfits and monsters, I am not.  I love this world and was glad to have a chance to experience it as I did when we, the world and I were new.  But the older I get the more I regret having to stay and the more I long to be free of this body and this world, looking forward to the next in the hope it will not be something even worse.