Happier

Chapter 25

Regret. [rɪˈɡret]: a feeling of sadness about something sad or wrong or about a mistake that you have made, and a wish that it could have been different and better. 

The meaning of regret is different for everybody, but for Lacey it's just that. The second she wakes up and sees Archie lying there beside her, just the way he used to when they were together, she regrets it. She feels guilty towards Cole. They may have broken up, but it's not right to just have sex with the next best guy. Especially when the next best guy is your ex-boyfriend and the one you kissed when you were still together.

She has to get out of the situation, get away from him. She throws her legs out of the bed and lets her bare feet feel the soft carpet beneath her. Her legs are numb. Those three rounds last night didn't do her muscles any good. A sigh leaves her body as she goes to put on some clothes. The yellow sundress falls over her body. She remembers her mother picking it out for her one of the many times they went shopping together. Yellow looked good on Lacey, her mom found. The girl stands in front of her full-length mirror, looking at the whole picture. Her long, blonde locks fall over her shoulders, perfectly straight. She hated having straight hair sometimes. She hated having long hair. Something about her reflection doesn't feel right. Maybe it's the hair, or the dress. Maybe it's the tiny bit of Archie's red hair she can see and the memory that's linked to him. Maybe it's the fact she had that cheerleader uniform back in her closet. Something just feels completely wrong. She shakes her head and turns on her heel. She pecks the sleeping beauty on his cheek before leaving the bedroom. The idea keeps going through her head. Something's not right.
"Morning, sis," Stacey greets chirpily, but her expression changes when she notices her sister's absent eyes and worried face. "Are you alright?" Lacey looks at her sister, she didn't even realize she was talking, but she heard the question. A good question. Is she okay? She has no idea anymore. She doesn't know who she is, what she's doing or what's supposed to happen now.
"Err- yeah, I'm fine," she lies and sits down on one of the stools.
"Morning, girls," Archie's voice sounds through the kitchen when he walks in. The youngest sibling looks at the boy as if he's an alien. She has no clue as to what had happened on their very own carpet last night. Lacey looks distraught, he looks guilty of something. And then it downs on her. The two had sex. That's why he's here in the morning, why she's so out of it and why he's guilty. They slept together and now they regret it because of Cacey. If only Cole would find out. He'd be gutted and angry, but not at all surprised. Neither is Stacey. After seeing Lacey in her cheerleading uniform again, she just knew everything was going to go south. That stupid uniform is evil. It gives her the power she doesn't need, but thinks she does. It gives her that bitchy attitude Stacey hates about her sister. What happened to priorities?
"Okay, Archie. Can you like leave?" Lacey asks annoyedly. There she is. Loopy Lacey. Her hand finds its way to her hip, her lips are in a pout and her brows furrowed. The bitch in her comes up again. The boy looks up at the girl, completely unaware of what he's done. "Take your clothes and leave, okay? I don't need you anymore." That last word is what hurts the most. She doesn't need him anymore, which means she only needed him for the sex. That she didn't mean what she said last night about getting back together because they were both on top again. Archie opens his mouth to say something, but shuts it. It's no use anyway. The girls watch the ginger boy grab his stuff and leave the house. Only when the door slams shut, Stacey speaks up.
"What's gotten into your mind, Lacey Margaret Goldberg?!" she shouts at her sister, actually angry about what she just witnessed. Lacey rolls her eyes as she pours some cereal into a bowl and some milk on top.
"What, Stace? We just had sex, nothing more," Stacey scoffs at that, not believing what she's hearing.
"That's just the thing. You had sex, nothing more while that boy is pining over you, thinking he actually had a chance to get you back. This was the worst thing you have ever done, Lacey. Do you even think about what the consequences of your behavior are for other people?" Lacey rolls her eyes again as she takes a spoonful of cereal into her mouth.
"You sound just like mom," she replies with her mouth full and her eyes on the cereal box in front of her. She's not even bothering to look at her sister right now. She has to figure out what she's going to do with her life before she can bother with high school dramas. She has to figure out what she wants, by herself.
"I get it okay," Stacey then starts again. This time louder and sterner, "You're pissed about Cole dumping your sweet ass. Get over it!" Lacey is taken aback by the anger in her sister's body.
"I don't want to get over it, okay?" Lacey shouts back, equally as loud as her sister.
"Lace, the only person that you're sabotaging here is yourself," Stacey takes a step forward, trying to act up like the bigger one now.
"I don't care about my stupid priorities," her voice is loud and sharp, causing Stacey to stumble back a little, "I don't care about high school or Cole. Or Archie or even Melanie and Violet, okay?" Lacey yells, her hands balling up into fists.
"Well, you should! Because these are the last few months you have with them, Lacey. It's the last time you can actually feel good about yourself!" Stacey shouts back, taking the step forward again. Tears well up into Lacey's eyes as she listens to her little sister scream at her.
"I was supposed to be the popular girl," her voice is now softer, quavering a little, "I was supposed to be the head cheerleader, win prom king and queen with Archie again, graduate and then go to college. I had it all planned out for us," she whimpers as the tears start rolling down her cheeks. "Why can't I have my dreams come true?" she asks the rhetorical question, "Even that annoying show choir girl has a boyfriend, why can't I?" she sobs and goes to sit down on the sofa. Stacey sighs and wipes a tear from her cheek before going to sit next to her sister. They stay silent whilst Lacey's tears keep on falling and her body keeps shaking from the sobbing. "I just want somebody to love me," she whispers as more tears fall down.
"I think I know how to make you feel better," her little sister tells her, stroking her long hair back.
"I'm flattered, Stace, but that'd be weird," Lacey replies, her voice shaky.
"No, that's not what I mean, silly," Stacey chuckles a little, "I was thinking about a haircut," she suggests. Lacey looks at her sister, eyes red and puffy. And for a moment they both smile, because they both know that's what their mother did in high school after her first big breakup. Because they both know that's what Lacey needs.

That morning, neither Lacey nor Stacey go to school. It's only after lunch when Lacey pulls over at the school parking lot. A woman who cuts her hair is about to change her life, they say, and that's exactly what Lacey's going to do. She has her uniform in the trunk, ready to be given back. She has papers she needed to turn in yesterday in her bag. And she has her new haircut that gives her more power than the uniform would ever give her.
"You ready?" Stacey asks with a sigh when they got out of the car. Lacey takes in a deep breath and then nods briefly. The two of them smile and link pinkies with one another to walk into school. Lacey has never felt more confident in her life than she does now. People look at her like they don't recognize her straight away. It's weird without her high pony, but it's a good weird. Heads keep turning until she arrives at her locker.
"I'll see you after school, sis. Hang in tight," Stacey tells her as she lets go of her sister's hand and walks away with just a smile and a wave. The short-haired girl opens her locker to put in some of her books, her uniform hangs over her arm, waiting to be turned in again. Coach Rivers will be furious when she finds out Lacey quits again. It's only been a day since she demanded her spot back. But she needs to do this. For herself. She needs to focus on her and her career. No more boys, no more cheerleading. Nothing that can ever distract her from getting to her goal.
She makes her way to coach Rivers' office. Her heart is beating loudly, she's afraid it might actually pop out of her chest.
"Coach Rivers," she starts when she stands in the doorframe of the office. The woman looks up and smiles, signaling for her to come further.
"What can I do for you, Goldberg?" she asks excitedly.
"I'm quitting the Roses," she blurts out. The coach's face falls. Her eyes are filled with anger now, the corners of her mouth turned down. "Again," Lacey adds and looks down to the floor.
"Again?" the coach shouts, startling the girl in front of her, "How can you do that to me, Goldberg? I need you on the team, okay? There's a big game this Friday. I can't do this without you," she tries. She seems desperate, but Lacey can't give in. The next couple of months are hers.
"You'll have to do without me, coach. I have to focus on me now and I can't have any distractions. Not now, not ever," she rants, determined of her own piece. It's almost like she rehearsed the whole thing. Like someone has brainwashed her or hypnotized her or something. Coach Rivers gets up from her chair and goes to close the door.
"Lacey, listen to me," she then starts and sits down on the chair next to Lacey, "I'm not going to push you to stay with the Roses, but remember this; you have your whole life to figure out what you want to do. You need to live right now and do every single thing that makes you happy and be with every single person who makes you happy," Cole's face pops into Lacey's mind as coach says that. Is that a sign? "You need to live your life to the fullest, sweetie, because you'll look back on your life and you're not going to regret the things you did do, but the ones you didn't do. So, now it's up to you to decide. Are you going to live your life with everything that comes, or are you going to stay focused on this one thing? If you chose the latter, you'll miss out on a whole lot of opportunities," the coach gets up and looks down on the indecisive girl. "Whatever you decide to do, Lacey, do it with your whole entire heart," tears well up into Lacey's eyes as she gets up and gives her coach a tight hug.
"Thank, coach," she sniffles, "I'm still going to turn this in," she holds out the uniform and with a saddened smile, the coach takes it.
"It'll be right here when you decide otherwise, Goldberg," Lacey nods and sniffles once more before turning on her heel and walking into the hallway. That's where she finds that one familiar face. The one you find in the most crowded places. The one you look for when you need a little comfort, a little safety net. Even that one face can change your whole mood. And when he smiles, the whole world lights up. Her whole world lights up. And that's when she knows what she's going to do.