Kiss Me Goodnight

Chapter 10

Saturday December 23rd (continued)

"No really though, Stanford's a dream, but I can see Yale's charm." Ali mumbles before she takes another small bite of her spinach and onion pizza.

It's about lunch time, but Ali had arrived in the morning and collapsed onto Tobin's couch to sleep for a few hours before Tobin woke her up again. Now that she's rested and sitting at what she assumes is Tobin's favorite pizza place because it's the same place she had been at the last time she was here, she's pretty much ready to interrogate Tobin.

"I think all that sun's done you good, Ali." Tobin smiles over her slice of pizza. She really has missed Ali.

"The snow has just clogged up your mind." Tobin laughs outright, that comment is something expected of a Cali girl.

"So you go from spending your life in Jersey and now you're all about the Cali weather?"

"Tots!" Ali flips her hair for added emphasis.

"Okay okay." Tobin just nods her head with an amused smile.

"And by the way our pizza is better than this."

"Nope, it's not."

"How would you know?"

"I did stay in Cali long enough with Alex to know that ours is better."

"Oh?" Ali vaguely remembers talking to Tobin while she was at the other girls house, but she had no idea that Alex had lived in Cali. This whole thing just sort of blows Ali's mind. And is maybe giving her a bit of a headache.

"Yeah?" Tobin's eyes widen a bit when she realizes that she brought Alex into the conversation. Shit. That's probably not the best idea. Ali's always been way too curious and yeah, Tobin wants to talk to Ali about Alex, but she didn't think she'd be the one to slip.

"Alex?"

"What about her...?" Tobin's going to play dumb, at least till Ali actually asks something because she doesn't even know where to start.

"Stop being stupid."

"I see time hasn't softened your sharp edges."

"Never that, Ashlyn keeps me on my toes."

"Speaking of Ashlyn how is she?" Ah hah. Distraction tactics. Tobin's good at those. People like to talk about themselves.

"Nope, we'll talk about this later." But then there's Ali; Ali who knows every trick in the book, especially Tobin's book.

Tobin just smiles though, she tried. "Fine, ask a question."

"What's going on with you two?"

"Anything but that question."

"How'd you meet?" Ali nibbles on her pizza crust and takes a sip of her sprite. She's got a feeling this is probably a topic Tobin's not even too sure of; Alex that is. Ali takes comfort in knowing that Tobin's really the same person she was before, just a bit older and a bit wiser. But that girl is still in there, not to mention the topic of soccer. That's something Ali wants to bring up, but really can't, not if she wants to make this friendship work again. Maybe later though.

"Uh, well, I was going to the library and she was in my spot." And that sounds dorky. Really really dorky and nerdy and sort of lame, Tobin hasn't really put much thought into the physical situations her and Alex have been in, mostly just the emotional stuff. But Ali hasn't said anything on the matter so she figures that that's leeway to continue. Ali was a soundboard for a lot of her life back in Jersey and Tobin's continuously realizing that not much has changed. That's comforting.

"So what?"

"It's my spot."

"And it's my spot."

"That's stupid."

"Do you want to hear my story or what?"

"I do." Ali smiles and figures that Tobin probably needs the banter. Joking around makes everything easier and Tobin was always the sort of person for being 'chill' than being confrontational.

"She was in my spot and then we hung out and I met Kelley and it's been nice. I don't know she didn't ever seem like the sort of person to invite strangers over to her house for break, but yeah."

"You're not the sort of person to say yes to a stranger."

"She wasn't really a stranger."

"Oh?" Ali's raised eyebrow is an indicator of interest. She finally thinks they're getting somewhere. Tobin needs this as much as Ali's curious.

"I don't know. Ever since I came here. I mean you know. It's an escape. Yale has really been an escape for me and it was about me finding myself and getting through school and being a part of this bigger picture. I wanted to function on my own."

And Ali sort of gets it, but she wonder's if Tobin's ever even seen it.

"I think I ended blocking everyone else out." Tobin does see it.

"But Alex?"

"Alex just, I don't know how to explain it."

"We don't have to talk about it."

"Ali? Is it okay if I do?" There's a huge amount of vulnerability that Tobin is showing at this moment and Ali doesn't really know how to handle it. This is the Tobin she remembers seeing for three days after Tobin's father died and then she became a hard wall that even Ali couldn't climb.

"You don't have to ask." Tobin trusts Ali. Tobin trusts Ali and Alex might have witnessed her breaking point, but Ali was her person. Alex said that Kelley was her person and Tobin knows that Ali is hers. She knows her journal has been her confidant for these past few years, but now she has Ali back and Tobin knows that she needs to start depending on someone.

"I tried to step onto the field. I tried to play."

"What stops you?"

"I just remember how he taught me everything. I learned how to nutmeg with him. I gained every skill from him and he taught me how to love the game."

"He'd want you to be happy. You were happy on the field."

"He left."

"Tobin, he left, but he was your dad. He is your dad. Given the time, he would have made it up to you."

"She hated me 'cause of him."

"She couldn't have hated you."

"Ali, how'd it all burn so fast?"

Ali looks at Tobin in the eye. This whole thing is painful for Tobin, but it was painful for Ali too. He was as much a father figure to her as possible. She learned from him too.

"I don't know, but I'm here now. You can't keep doing this to yourself. You should get back out there. It's only been a few years. It's muscle memory. You could do it."

"Maybe?"

They pause for a bit. Tobin's clearly thinking everything over and Ali's got a lot to think about too. They pay and leave after a while. It's still bright out though and Tobin walks with Ali to a small park.

"I'm glad you came."

"Me too."

Ali's smile is reflected in Tobin's face.

------------------------

"Hello?" Ashlyn picks up her phone after about thirty seconds of staring at the unknown number.

"Hey, it's Tobin." And what the fuck. Tobin hasn't really spoken to her in ages.

"Well, hi."

"So this is awkward." Tobin was sorta blunt back in the day, Ashlyn remembers that.

"Proceed." And Ashlyn never really cared and finds awkward entirely amusing.

"Ali's staying here, you probably know that."

An hour or so later Ashlyn hangs up the phone and wonders what the hell happened.