Six Days in April

Chapter 10: Jayden's Story

Jayden left the coffee shop enraged. He wanted to get away from Chezdon as quickly as possible, the hurt registering in his face even as his legs went into overdrive to make certain that if Chezdon were coming after him, he could still get away. What happened, he thought, to the sweet boy he knew, the one to whom he could talk and confess his inner most thoughts—except for sex, of course. And sex for a teenager, Jayden thought, hardly constituted a topic worthy of much conversation, right? Especially with your best mate. Especially if you're a damned faggot. Even more, a rooting faggot lusting for your best mate, at that. And especially when you've shown your hand to your best mate with a kiss and received a response making clear that the advance wasn't wanted, even as that best mate made light of it. Damn you, Chez, he thought. Damn you to hell and back, though just to hell would suffice. 

After taking a tram home, he decided instead to go to Albert Park. At one time, he had tried to lose himself from the city around him in the Grand Prix circuit on west side of the lake. He had thought about going over to Fawkner Park—also a couple of blocks off St. Kilda Road, but in Albert Park, he knew of a tree isolated from the rest of the world, one that would leave him alone, practically hidden. Sitting under its shade would allow him a chance to relax, to think. It was the tree he had found when he was 12, when he first realized he liked boys but not girls. Definitely not girls. 

This particular tree was located on the edge of the golf course on the east side of the lake. From there, he could see the Mac.Robertson Girls' High School. When puberty hit him and his penis started to grow into its adult size, just when a few hairs grew in to surround it, he knew that he was supposed to be turned on by girls. That's what they said in all the classes. That's what all the boys a year older told him. But he wasn't much interested.

One day, he cut school and went to the park. He found this tree surrounded by green hedges everywhere but where the course grazed the school grounds—hidden from everything and everyone, it seemed. There, Jayden spent the day watching the girls—15 and 16 year olds for the most part—but found he had little interest in even fantasizing about them. They were pretty enough, some were hot, a few even scorching hot, but they just didn't arouse him.

He went home, locked the door to his bedroom, stripped and lay on his bed, trying with increasing frustration to masturbate. But his manhood was AWOL--nowhere to be found. Just a shriveled up phallus, mostly foreskin it seemed. He thought about the girls that he'd seen, and nothing happened. Frustrated, he tried to imagine them naked. And nothing happened. Finally, he gave up, got dressed and went for a walk.

He found himself walking randomly around the neighborhood, and when he saw some teenaged boys, his manhood acted like a turtle going to war, its head coming alive as it emerged from its shelter. The stirring was hard for him not to notice, and it happened each time he saw a cute teen boy. If he looked at a girl, though, the engorgement would abate as his veritable sword went back into its sheath. He felt cursed. It wasn't supposed to happen like this. 

Jayden did what every child did when confronted with something unexpected in life: he surfed the internet for answers to his questions about this "phase" he was going through. What he found fascinated him, and in some respects, reassured him. But it also brought him back to reality—he was gay, and gay men were people his parents reviled. They did so with contempt and without reservation. He cringed. It couldn't be him. Gay? Really? Best go back to the girls' high school, he thought. It was, after all, only once that he had been there. Surely this time it would be different.

Except that it wasn't. Again he tried to master the art of self-pleasure, and again he had to deal with the "turtle head" being AWOL. He went on the net and looked at Tumblr blog after Tumblr blog, all different types of women in different stages of undress. Still, the shriveled phallus. He went looking at the Tumblr blogs of men in various stages of undress, and his manhood sprang to life, the blood surging into as it throbbed begging for action. Jayden felt the desire to hold it, to stroke it, to then feel that unique tsunami of pleasure wash over his body, over his mind as everything around him disappeared and there was that feeling of relaxation achieved in the absence of a partner, only through the wonders of Mr. Palmer and his five handsome sons.