Hamilton one-shots

Perfect as You Are (Laf×Reader)

Possible TW??

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You stood there, staring at your reflection in your full-length mirror with a deep frown on your face as you poked and prodded at your midsection and examined your arms. Today was not a good day. You'd been to the gym, which normally didn't bother you, but today, you'd ended up beside the fittest woman you'd ever seen in your life, and it had gotten to you. Flat abs, toned arms and legs, the whole nine yards. You'd struggled with image issues for most of your adolescent and adult years, but you'd come a long way in your recovery. You'd learned to accept your body and its flaws and realized that the people in magazines were heavily Photoshopped and that nobody actually looked like that. But today, comparing her body to yours had really bothered you.

You didn't have perfectly toned abs, though none would really call you fat. Your arms weren't tereribly flabby, but they weren't like hers either. Neither were your calves and thighs. Weren't thigh gaps sexy now? You sure as hell didn't have one. You had to look like her. That, combined with society's pressure to have the perfect body made you exceedingly critical of your appearance. You pinched at your side and tugged at the skin with a groan. You just had a small bit of skin between your fingers, but it still bothered you.You were physically strong and healthy, but that wasn't enough. You needed to be smaller. Toned. Like... like that woman who could've been in the Olympics. You were at a healthy weight for your body type, but that didn't matter. You heaved a heavy sigh. You hated feeling like this.

Someone else hated it just as much, if not more than you did. Your boyfriend Lafayette. He'd been a huge help in changing how you saw yourself, doing everything in his power to show you just how beautiful you were, both inside and out. You'd come so far since you'd met him, befriended him, and become his girlfriend. Where you'd previously refrained from posting selfies, you now regularly posted them on your Instagram and blog. Even when you were dressed in your lazy clothes with messy hair and no makeup. You gave yourself compliments on your appearance whereas before, you had nothing but negativity. Laf understood that you'd slide on occasions, but that didn't stop it from making his heart ache when it happened. He just wanted you to be happy and to see yourself the way he and the rest of your friends saw you. As a beautiful, kind, talented, and loving person. He came into the bedroom you shared and stood in the doorway, keeping quiet as he listened to your negative self-talk.

“God. I'm so fucking fat. I shouldn't have let myself eat so badly this week. All those treats at work because of that fucking bake sale, and then going out with (Y/BF/N) for dinner... god. It's awful. I'll make up for it. I won't rest this week. An hour of exercise every day. And no treats. I can't have them. I don't deserve them. Not when I look like this. Not when I can feel myself gaining weight and when I don't look like...”

Finally, Lafayette had had enough. “Mon chéri, please stop. None of what you are saying is true, and you know it.”

The familiar soft French accent jolted you out of your thoughts, and you turned around to find Laf looking at you with a slightly disapproving look on his face. You felt so ashamed. You knew Laf wouldn't lie to you, but in times like this, your mind wouldn't let you believe anything but negativity. You hated making Laf feel bad, but when you'd struggled with this for so long, it was always possible for something to trigger your old train of thought. You shook your head and looked down at the floor. You couldn't look at him. Not when you felt like this. How could he not see that you were disgusting? That he needed to be with literally anyone other than you?

“Yes, it is,” you said sadly as you tried to cover your body with your arms. You seemed so much smaller, shoulders hunched and body drawn in on itself instead of exuding confidence like you had been lately. Laf was a very confident man, and being around him so much had made some of it rub off on you, contributing to your improved self-esteem. But now, your old habits had returned and it was as though you'd gone back to the beginning.