7 Bangtan Princes || Completed ||

027

WARNING! TRIGGER WARNING FOR THOSE SENSITIVE TO THESE TOPICS.

Min Yoongi

Why do I feel like this? Nothing bad happened today.. Nothing! My fingers snaked into my hair and pulled at the strands, my eyebrows furrowing together and my jaw clenched as I sat in the corner of my piano room, trying so very hard to keep under control.

Sometimes, it happens. No trigger, nothing bad, just nothing. I'll wake up and feel like I own the world.. And then with no warning, I'll be on the floor wondering why I'm so fucking sad, wondering who I am, wondering why I can't even control myself. Everything went so right today.. But I feel like I've been wronged and now I can't control my emotions anymore.

The sad part was that I knew what was happening to me. I knew I'd slip into a state where I'd just go numb with pain and eventually just stop thinking rationally. I also knew that I just couldn't stop it from happening.

My cellphone rang from the piano but I couldn't move. Small, slight screams that turned into whimpers, escaped my mouth as I grew frustrated with myself. Why am I like this?

And then it was over. My body stopped shaked and my fingers stopped pulling at my hair. My jaw relaxed and my eyes opened. Everything was calm but I knew that was only the beginning. My mind began whirling with possibilities and ideas that weren't my own.

I hate myself.

Why am I like this?

This is why no one wants me here.

Horrible, horrible thoughts just poured into my head as I stared down at my wrists, my hands leaving my hair. I can't touch my wrists.

My phone rang again and I raised my dull eyes, my breathing growing dangerously slow. But that always happens when I lose control. I just... Stop caring to be breath. My body just automatically stops caring and I'm basically fighting to live, forcing myself to breath. It's really a horrible world when you have to force your own body to breath.

The ringing stopped and my mind stopped as well. All reasoning gone as I felt around the pockets of the jacket that always at in this corner. My fingers met the sharp, metal object and I quickly grasped it, feeling desperate.

The cold metal touched my inner arm just as my phone rang again. And once more, my eyes lifted towards where the phone sat and my hands let go of the metal blade.

Keep calling me. I don't know who you are but keep doing it.

The phone stopped. I waited for it to ring again but it didn't, my body aching at the loss of attention even though I had never really received any in the first place.

Without another moments hesitation, I quickly swiped the blade across my pale skin and waited for the pain. But there was no pain, just like usual.

I dropped the blade onto the ground and slowly moved my eyes to rest on the wound, blood already dripping out of the small wound and down my arm.

More.

No pain occured.

I need to do more until I feel it.

More.

It was only until the phone rang again, did I feel the pain I didn't feel moments before. Forcing myself to my feet, I slowly made my way to the phone and answered on the last ring.

I didn't say anything.

"Yoongi? Were you asleep?" Hana. "Yoongi?"

I blinked a few times and brought myself back to reality a little bit, staring as the blood oozed down my arm. Only Hana has been able to snap me out of these random fits... I've never had someone able to do that before. I can't even see her but just her voice was enough to bring me back to rational thinking.