Yowzah Song oneshot

Doubt

River had just came back from one of her silly adventures with the Doctor. She was in the one place she called home, her small apartment near the school where she was now a teacher. It was summer so she had a lot of time to herself. Too much in her opinion. She would drift off into thoughts that haunted her. She looked at her reflection in the window of her room. Even if her face had changed she could still see the scared little girl who was trained to kill the one she now loved
Scared of my own image
Scared that that little girl could still be in her and that others could see her.
Scared of my own immaturity
Scared, because that little girl, her, River, represented what her own parents could never have but desired so desperately.
Scared of my own ceiling
Scared that River, the woman who she became, wasn't good enough for the Doctor, hadn't repaid for all her wrongdoing.
Scared I'll die of uncertainty
She closed her eyes and turned her head trying to chase away any bad memory the might convince her of what she thought she might be. At night memories were reawakened. She got used to waking up screaming from the pain she remembered and maybe even still felt.
Fear might be the death of me
Her breathing was heavy, her heart pounding, her hands shaking.
Fear leads to anxiety
This banging in her head. Almost like a voice.
Don't know what's inside of me
She cursed the night she was without the Doctor. She felt like there was hope when she was around him.

River and the Doctor had a relaxing day out. They just had a picnic. She was enjoying the sun and he was chasing butterflies. A small creature. Even smaller compared to him, but nothing could ever hope to reach his level.
Don't forget about me
-Are you nearly done tormenting that poor little thing?
River screamed out a little board. The Doctor turned to her, almost surprised.
-I had almost forgotten you were here! I'm sorry about that sweety.
Don't forget about me
There romantic dinners were spent in silence. Wondering what the other was thinking about. They both knew the other had secrets and neither would dare to ask. She often wondered if the affection he holds for her was one of them.
Even when I doubt you
If it was the case she would probably still follow him around, simply so her life would still have meaning.
I'm no good without you

She devoted her life to him only to see him slip away further and further every time they met. At some point she gotten used to the question: Who are you? But every time she deflected it, it felt like she was losing herself. Becoming cold.
Temperature is dropping
She sealed her heart so no one could hurt her.
Temperature is dropping
Made a vow to herself: Never let anyone in. One of Madame Kovarian rules she stilt lived by.
I'm not sure if I can see this ever stopping
River knew she learned it from her but would never come to accept it. To her eyes Madame Kovarian was the closest thing to the devil.
Shaking hands with the dark parts of my thoughts
The longing to be with her Doctor was still constant. Especially knowing the he wasn't only her husband but also her best friend, her only friend.
You are all that I've got

The silence, a religious order made to prevent a prophecy.
Gnawing on the bishops
Academy of the question, making sure it is never, ever answered.
Claw our way up their system
Doctor who?
Repeating simple phrases
A plan was conceived to create the perfect psychopath
Someone holy insisted
Some days she looked at her arms and saw the marks that indicated that she saw one of the silence. She knew they were probably just tormenting her, playing games with her mind.
I want the markings made on my skin
Across all the body's she had had, none of them felt like her owned. All taken away by her pass
To mean something to me again.
The only thing that was her own, was the Doctor. Her Doctor. The one who'll meet his end in the fields of Trenzalore. She wishes she could be there. To support him in the end.
Hope you haven't left without me
But she knew she couldn't. One of her biggest fear was that he, her Doctor, would leave and be replace by his younger self and she would never see him again. That he would leave without saying goodbye.
Hope you haven't left without me
He hated endings.
Please

She grew up to kill him. She learned to love him. And now she lived to see him one last time.
Don't forget about me
Her end was near and she was desperate to see her Doctor one last time, maybe they could even go to Durillian like he promised.
Don't forget about me
-When you love the Doctor, it's like loving the stars themselves! You don't expect a sunset to admire you back! And if I happen to find myself in danger, let me tell you, the Doctor is not stupid enough or sentimental enough, and he is certainly not in love enough to find himself standing in it with me!
The words cursed her lips.
Even when I doubt you
She knew that a meteor shower would strike in a few minutes. Without her vortex manipulator to send her safely back home, she worried that she wouldn't escape. But when she turned her head.
I'm no good without you
-Hello sweety
The words felt like music. One of the happiest moments of her life.
Don't forget about me

-Doubt by Twenty One Pilots
A/N : you can always suggest a song if you want!! Have a nice day!