Catch a Star

Pensamientos

I am only hoping that one day you will finally come back to e being the man I saw inside of you. The man that will never hurt me if there's any other option; the man that will always tell me the truth; the man that once you made me think you were; the man I was proud of to be his partner.

Why am I thinking this? Why am I asking for the love of someone that didn't loved me enough (or the way I think I deserve to be loved)? Well, I think it is because you were and always will be the first (and only) person with who I let myself go, and loved purely and deeply no matter what. You were the first outsider I really trust even though I knew you would hurt me. But, why let you in? Because you were worth the suffer. A second of happiness by your side was worth months or years of tears by your own hand.

Why do the things that make you feel such a joy, end up making you feel like shit? That's an answer that I don't know how to respond yet. Like this one: if you loved me, why did you leave me? Why? As I said before, maybe you didn't love me enough to be better. And it's awful to still be hurt for this fact, because it doesn't hurt as much as before, but it still hurts.

It's hard for me to accept that you might never come back for me, being a better man than you were when we were a couple, but with you I just can't lose hope, you know what I mean? Maybe because you were my first love and you changed me for good, but I can't lose hope on you. I can't lose hope on us. I just can't. Or maybe I just don't want to.

The sad fact is that I don't think that I can ever trust you again. After all you have done, all the lies you have told me, all the things your friends have said to me about you, I don't think I can be with a liar, but it's so tempting that I don't really know for sure what would I do.

Have a good life darling, I hope you are happy.