I don't like the way we left it. There are things I never got the chance to say. There are things I never got the chance to do. I was in the wrong. I didn't break down my walls to let you in. Instead, I expected you make your way through the rose bush maze. I thought that you'd keep walking through the thorns because you loved the way the flowers smelled. I didn't realize you'd get tired. I didn't realize you'd lose that much blood. I didn't realize you might come to hate the smell of roses. So, you left. I can't say that I didn't see it coming because I know what it means when people who are supposed to love you start ignoring your messages. I didn't think it would hurt. I've never been able to keep someone interested for very long. When people find out that being mysterious isn't a flirting tactic- that I actually have major trust issues- they decide I'm not worth their time or effort. I know it's my fault, and I've tried changing, but I can't seem to knock down the walls. It's as though someone else built them. And I don't have the proper tools necessary to knock them down. I have tried to make things easier. But I seem to be making everything worse. And I've hurt so many people in the process.
It's been a month since I started writing this poem and I've realized a lot more about the break up than I knew then. You didn't love me. I think you loved the idea of having what he had. Your best friend got to me first. You hated him for it. You hated the fact I was obsessed with him, even though it's been five years. And I keep telling you that I'm over him. And that I no longer think of him that way, but all you hear is the opposite. You decided a long time ago that I was his, and no matter what I said to you, you didn't believe me. So, for the purpose of this letter, I'd like to say, FUCK YOU.
You lying, piece of crap. I started having feelings for you and you left me thinking I was the problem. The problem isn't that I was too difficult or that I didn't love you hard enough. The problem was that you ever trusted me enough. You never let the relationship stay about you and I. You made it about him too. And that was not my fault. I let him go a long time ago. it was you that didn't.
