Haikyuu!! x Reader

Drunk!Kenma Kozume & Drunk!Kuroo Tetsurou x Reader

I LOVE PUDDING HAIR KENMA BUT BLACK HAIRED KENMA IS MY SH I T OK

(i imagine kenma to be a wild child when he's drunk so-)

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"(y/n)-taaan!" I knew it. "(y/n)-taaaan! Stop ignoring me!" We could've just stayed at home. "(Y/N)-TAAAAAAAAAAAAN! NOTICE ME!"

"GODDAMMIT KENMA STOP IT" You shouted at your friend. Damn Nekoma.

This really wasn't the case just a few hours ago. The Nekoma team had an abrupt reunion, after what seems like 3 months. 3 months. You're not really against it, you've always cheered for your team. See, you and Kenma met when you were in 6th grade. You've been going to the same schools because your parents always were away on business trips. They left you with Kenma and Kuroo. You live with your aunt, who doesn't really go home much. After knowing you had a strong platonic relationship with them, she decided that you would enroll wherever they would enroll. That has continued until now. Although it's the summer, you've still stuck to Kenma and Kuroo. Kenma was like the looks-uninterested-but-actually-cares kind of friend. He wasn't exactly stoic, but he's also blunt. He's antisocial, to be honest. Kuroo was the big brother kind of friend. No, not the big brother type that would beat up anyone that comes near you, but the big brother type that would tease you when a human with a penis interacts with you. Once, a tourist asked you for directions, and Kuroo teased you about it for days on end. "Aaaah~ (y/n)-chi is growing up! Ah, young love!" he would quote. You would watch them play Volleyball once in a while when they practiced, but you had baseball practices yourself.

"(y/n)-chi, what is the world? Why do we have an atmosphere? Why are there clouds? Why do we have an axis? What if we're just sims in a Sims game a 12 year old is playing? Why does feces smell? Why can't we all be the same sex? Why is-" Kuroo blabbered. "Shut it!" You scolded him. You heard sobbing in the distance, you whipped your head to see Kenma facing the wall, along with Yaku trying to comfort him. "(y/n)-chan won't notice me. I am no longer important!" You heard him vent out to the only sober Nekoma player. "Kenma-san, I don't think she meant it-" Yaku tried to reason with him "She still yelled at me! I'm such a failure!" you heard him say.

These guys changes personalities from 0-100 when they're drunk. And you hated it. You can't get drunk, because then your two friends might die. Kenma won't really, but Kuroo threatened that if he doesn't drink, he'll confiscate Kenma's gadgets. That sly bastard.

"(y/n)-chi is mean." You heard sobbing and hiccuping from the table, Kuroo was lying face down on the table, a pool of tears around him. "K-Kuroo?!" you said, "(y/n)-chan! You're mean!" Kenma shouted from the other side of the room. Goddammit. "That's it! We're going. It's nice seeing you guys again!" you said, and dragged your two friends out the house of one of their team mates. "Arigatou, we'll see you next time!" Yaku said, a drunk Lev hugging him from behind. "Yaaaa~ kuuuuu~ saaaaaan~! Kenma-san is amaaaaaaaayzaaaaayng!" You heard Lev say, cuddling Yaku closer. "Lev! Don't eat Yaku!" you shouted, two Nekoma players on either side of you. "Suck him dry!" You laughed. "Will do, (y/n)-saan!" you heard Lev say. Well, Yaku isn't really complaining. You chuckled.

Okay, we can walk to Kuroo's house in 20 minutes, but can the two make it without vomiting— "UAARGHHH!" You heard from your left side, Kenma was facing a wall, his hand resting on it and his head down, crouching. "Kenma! Are you okay?!" You ushered to his side, holding his hair up as he vomits. "Yes– urggghhh!" He vomits mid sentence. Shit! Kuroo! "Kuroo?!" You look to your other side, Kuroo was lying on the sidewalk, arms and legs spread out. "Stand up!" You tried to reach him, still trying to hold up Kenma's hair. "Kuroo! Please!" You almost sobbed in stress. "(y/n)-tan, I'm fine— uuuuuurrrggg!" You heard Kenma, with your head about to explode, you tie Kenma's hair back with your hair tie, and you ran to Kuroo and help him stand up. "You guys need water?" You ask your friends, "yes– urrrrgggglllleeee!" Kenma kind of said. "Kenma, where did words come from? How can people invent these words? How do people know–" You heard Kuroo start to babble, "I don't kn–uuuurrrrrgggg" Kenma replied. You dashed to the conbini next door and bought two bottles of water. "Guys, here's you wa– WHAT?!" You shrieked, Kuroo was on the ground asleep and Kenma was dancing around him chanting words.