Journal #9 Is this the End?

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  Stomach wreching, heart aching, depressed...the main feelings that describe how I feel. But there is a another feeling. It's a mystery feeling. Kind of a gut feeling like somethign bad will happen. But it's worse. The feeling makes me sad. Its makes me feel as is I'm alone. I feel as if I should hurt myslef to make the feeling go away...so I do.

   The pain pierces through me as I strike the blade against me one more time. It's been the 15th cut. I still have that mystery feeling. Tears stroll down my cheeks. I look at my crimson red arm. I'm a monster. A freak. What is wrong with me? I don't know. I beg for the feeling to go away. But it didn't. To punish myself, I shove my fingers down my throat. Vomit fills the toliet. Nothing change but the tears turned to sobs. I look at my reflection in the mirror. I look absolutely horrible. I start to laugh hilstarlically. I'm going insane. My mind has become jumbled up. I'm no longer thinking straight. ...

The darkness has finally captured me

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