This bitter icey feeling among my skin surrounds me. The darkness frightens me while I'm sufficating within the depths of the water. Each time I struggle, I sink deeper. My screams and cries cannot be heard. I pray to be released but I am not. It's confusing I don't understand what happened. How did I end here? I'm trying to fight it but every struggle wastes a breath. Finally I stop and sink. Then I wake up.
Drowing is how I feel. I understand why I dream that dream every night. I'm starting lose myself. Everytime I struggle I sink. My happiness was fake. I was faking my entire life. I've tried to build up a wall to keep myself safe but I hurt myself even more. I don't understand why. I keep screwing up, I don't know how. I'm just so messed up. I need help, I really do. But I'm afraid I'm unfixable. My own mind scares. I stay in my room in the complete darkness and plead for everything just to go away. I freak over the thoughts I have so I take the blade and just pierce my skin. Over and Over again. Then I laugh and watch myself bleed. I just want it all to go away.Why me?
I can't let go of anything. Especially my love. I thought I moved on and forgot. But I couldn't. It's sufficating to only think of the past and still have fake hope. I want it all to go away. The feeling of falling in love. It's just won't. I don't want anyone to get any closer to me. My mind cannot forget him. I know it's useless but I still want him back. I don't want to want him back. The thought hurts my heart. It's like a thousand knives stabbing my heart. It's disgusting and wrong. I'm breaking from my own insanity and slowly drowning from my own conscious.
YOU ARE READING
Suicidal Journal
Novela JuvenilEnter a mind of one who is confused. Someone who has no one to talk to. Someone who agonizes in pain and desperation. This is a story about a typical teen's suicidal journal. *please note that this story is written poetically*
