TW(for Laurens POV): Self Harm and Negative Thinking, Anorexia Mentions, Swearing
Song Lyrics : Carry On My Wayward Son (By Kansas) *not full song used*
Laurens POV
I shoved my face into Lafayette's shoulder and sobbed. "I-I didn't know you liked Alexander so much." Laf stammered with his accent. I couldn't get it off my mind. I never had a chance with him, did I? I was fat and ugly and just plain dumb. I ran into the bathroom crying. The pain in my heart was more painful than any cut I could do to myself. Might as well just try to numb it... I threw open the cupboard and took out the razors. I stared down at the sharp razor, tears running down my freckled cheeks and my hands shaking.
Carry on my wayward son
My mind became fuzzy as I pressed the razor to my skin. I heard Lafayette call out to me and I kicked the door closed and it held it there with my foot. Then I heard a knock on the door that made me drop the razor. "Hello? Oh, hi Alexander." Lafayette sighed in relief. I locked the door in complete fear and picked up the razor. My mind still felt as though it was just some static on the TV, but one thing still was there. The words of the TV were still playing, Alexander's words. But I couldn't see anything but the razor in my hand. I pressed it to my wrist and slid it across my skin with a small yelp.
There'll be peace when you are done
The blood was warm and trickled down so slowly and perfectly as it hit the floor with a light tap. I couldn't feel my other pain anymore, but I couldn't feel the pain from my arm either. My ears were ringing and my arm was ice cold. Then I heard him again and everything came back to me. The kiss, the pain, the sadness....my father.
Lay your weary head to rest
My father had never approved of me being...you know...gay. He always told me, "You aren't who I raised you to be, you little shit!" and "No son of mine will be a fucking homo!". I cried myself to sleep every night and kept telling myself I wasn't worth it. I wasn't supposed to be alive. I was different.
Don't you cry no more
I began cutting myself and starving myself. I didn't want to live. To cut again like this felt so good and yet so bad. My body felt good and I could distract myself, but it brought me back to when I lived with my father. I never wanted to remember that again, I kept trying to forget. It's hard to forget. "Okay, bye Alexander. Thanks for bringing this." Lafayette said and shut the door before knocking on the bathroom door once more. "John? John? Open up!" He called.
Once I rose above the noise and confusion
I threw the razor in the trash and flushed the toilet and pretended I had to go to the bathroom. "Oh, hey, Laf! I'll be right out, I had to go to the bathroom!" I called believably. I washed off my arm and pulled down my tear soaked sleeves before leaving the bathroom. "Hi...I feel a little better now."
ALEXANDER POV
TW: Sex mentions, swearing
(Before going to Lafayette's)
I opened my eyes to see the bright yellow sun gleaming into the room. Then I felt soft, silky hair on my chest and looked over to see a naked, hot, beautiful Eliza. I looked down to see I was naked too. Shit. I crawled out of bed with a moan, stretching and pulling on my boxers and a t-shirt. "Alex...?" Eliza whimpered, her light blue eyes pale and her lips looking so soft...That's when last night came back to me.
Eliza's warm heat, her kisses...Yeah, we had sex. "Y-yeah?" I replied as she slowly rose to her feet. "Was that your first time?" Eliza asked gently as she pulled on some lacy, pink underwear. I blushed, and I'm more than sure she saw it, too. "Er...uh...yeah." I admitted. She pulled on a pink laced bra before shoving me up to the wall. Her sweet scent washed over me and I felt my pants tighten. She shoved her groin against mine and I moaned in pleasure. That's when she strolled out of the room, smirking. I groaned, chasing her down. "Elizaaa!" I moaned. She turned around and pushed her lips to mine. Her eyes met mine before she closed her eyes and moaned into the kiss.
I pulled away slowly. "I have to go..." I murmured. She nodded, smiling slightly. "I loved last night." She said softly, her blue eyes twinkling like the glittering ocean. My heart melted. "Me too."
