𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙧𝙨 𝙙𝙖𝙣𝙘𝙚

•

"There was a moment in my life when I really wanted to kill myself. And there was one other moment when I was close to that... But even in my most jaded times, I had some hope."

~ Gerard Way

~

"What are you doing here?"

I cleared my throat at our simultaneously asked question and her eyes widened, quickly averting her gaze to her feet. A few seconds passed by before I heard her scoffing in disbelief.

"I'm standing on the edge of a tall building wearing sweats with makeup dripping down my face and depression written all over me. I'm thinking about jumping, Einstein. What does it look like I'm doing? Shaving my legs?" she placed a hand on her hip sassily and gave me a raised eyebrow. She glared at me for a while whilst I tried to regain my composure.

Why are women so damn difficult?

"Well, you do look like a monkey in shorts," I winked at her as an attempt to ease the noticeably rising tension. She glared at me to shut up and I immediately complied. Cursing myself at my stupidity, I cleared my throat and tried to ignore her burning holes into my side. Wait.

Wait.

"You were going to jump?" I asked her incredulously. I ran a hand through my hair in shock and frustration.

She huffed in annoyance and disgust, and turned her attention back down to the busy streets in the city below. I sighed knowing I won't be able to get through to her by yelling, so I took a step towards the edge and drank in the view that lay in front of us.

Yellow taxis swerved in-and-out of the streets, and every now and then the familiar sound of a cop car rang in my ears. I could see people walking the streets calmly with friends and family; some carried shopping bags, some carried suitcases. I noticed a dark alley where several guys gathered and were probably smoking a joint.

I turned my attention towards a small family on the other side of the road: a man, a woman and two children. Boy and a girl. The children seemed to be at least 5, but I was so high up, that it became difficult to tell. I noticed they played with each other whilst their parents held hands, showering each other with tender love and affection. I squirmed uncomfortably at the blatant PDA and at their unsuspecting kids, and I ran a hand through my messy black hair and sighed. This is it. This is what I'm running away from.

And before you start thinking, no I am not a criminal. I just want to start over. New life, new world, new me, and all that sh*t.

I want a family. I want to settle down with someone. I want to be able to come home from work and see my wife and kids, and spend my time with them. I want to be able to take my family to theme parks and outings. I want to be able to put a smile on their faces and lift their spirits whenever they're feeling sad. I want to shower my wife with love and affection and treat her like a Queen. I want to be able to take my children to school every morning and nurse them when they're sick. I want to make sure my life revolves around them and I want to be able to be a good dad, a good husband and a good man.

A real man.

And I wanted all of this with her.