Call Me Karma

Memories of a young girl

I remember that day so well it still hurts. The feeling at the bottom of my throat is still there every time I think about it. It was a few years ago when I was fourteen turning fifteen. My group of friends and I were getting ready for a small party. To me this was something very new, I was never and still am not a big fan of parties. But the girls were so thrilled about this, they bought new clothes, new makeup, and perfect high heels to finish up their look. As for me, I did buy a new dress but I preferred to use minimal makeup (almost none) and some old pair of heels.

" Why don't you put more makeup?" Caroline asked me. She was facing the mirror while adding some mascara onto her blonde lashes.

" I don't like to look cakey" And it was true I hated the feeling of sticky foundation plastered all over my face.

" Are you calling us cakey?!" Savannah said to me in an accusation way.

God! sometimes I hate her so much. She takes everything so personal, and she can't handle when someone says something she doesn't like. One day she argued with my parents on why they shouldn't be so strict on my pickup schedule to parties. The thing is it's none of her business what decisions are made in my home!

" Well, I don't know how you do your makeup" I quickly responded.

All the girls started talking about manicure and about how cute Cory Andrew's is. I felt so out of place. I stood there doing nothing and I actually wondered if I belonged in this group of friends. My head snapped towards Megan's direction as she spoke.

" Okay. Let's all say who is our best friend from this group. This way we can bond closer"

Bond closer? Wouldn't this make us grow apart? 

She went first and said that Caroline is her best friend and vice-versa. Such a pity for this two girls, they always criticize each other. They are my friends, but it makes me sad to know that they can't be faithful to each other. And then it was Savannah's turn. I knew she had to say me. We know each other since diapers and we confide everything. She even said the other day that she was my best friend, and I didn't deny it. But at this moment I wish I had denied it.

"Hailey," she said confidently. " We've been hanging out so often"

And the ice bucket of realization fell on top of me. You know that feeling on the bottom of your throat that makes it hard to breathe? The one where you feel an imaginary rock stuck in the esophagus? I wanted to punch someone so badly. But I stayed quiet, I didn't even try to show my sadness. I didn't talk for the rest of the night. I couldn't. I felt so rejected, it ached.

This was the day where all my hopes in true friendship died. Maybe true friends only happen in movies. I kept wondering if I would ever find a stable friendship with trust and no hypocrisy. I guess this is why I never get too close to friends, and most importantly, this is why I don't believe in the term "Best Friends".