Lavender

Chapter Nine

Thanks -Orphic- for this amazing cover!!
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Monday morning comes too soon, and I'm still not sure what to do about Theo.

Should I come clean to him and tell him the true reasons behind my moving here in hopes that he'll understand?

Could he ever possibly understand that I don't remember majority of the night that forever changed me? That I can't remember saying yes or no? That I can't remember how I ended up naked? That I can't remember actually having sex at all? For all I know, I could have been begging for it. I honestly don't know.

But I do know guys. They don't want to be stuck raising a kid that isn't theirs, especially not twenty four year old football players with their whole lives ahead of them.

When Theo picks me up for class I try to act as normal as possible, smiling and laughing at all of his jokes. He isn't acting any different than he did before he kissed me, so I just pretend like it never happened.

Sitting at a wobbly metal table outside of a sub shop for lunch before our next class, he brings it up though.

"Is everything okay? I didn't make you uncomfortable the other night, did I?" Apparently my acting normal didn't suffice.

"Oh yeah, I've just got a lot on my mind. How are your classes going, though?" I spit out, trying to evade the subject all together.

"Don't try to change the subject. You're fidgeting and not talking much. Something's definitely up." Reading my mind, he stares into my eyes, searching for the truth.

I will them not to give anything away.

"Listen, I just think we should be friends.." my voice waivers a little, and I have to look away from him, my heart breaking a little when I say the words out loud, "nothing more."

Sneaking a peek at him through my lashes, I see the way his lips tug down slightly, telling me his heart is breaking a little too. I fiddle with my hands in my lap, still not able to meet his eyes, while I wait for him to respond.

"Sure, we can be friends, if that's what you want."

When I finally glance back up at him, the look on his face says otherwise. But he quickly turns his frown upside down, into the signature quirky grin I'm so used to.

"So long as you can resist my au naturale charm," he adds, wiggling his eyebrows up and down, and making me laugh.

He holds his hand out to help me up, and doesn't let go until we get back to his truck. I squeeze it like it's my lifeline until he closes my door.

Apparently being just-friends doesn't seem so easy for either of us.

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I spend the next few weeks trying to avoid being alone with Theo.

I drag Kimi with me to lunch most days, which usually means Stan tags along as well and distracts Theo with talks of football, beer, and whatever else boys talk about. I force conversation with people after class so that I have an excuse not to be walked to my next one.

I even suggest driving myself to and from the school again- to which I get the response "No way, friends can carpool without being more than friends. Plus it's better for the environment." I never took Theo for an environmentalist, but we all have our secrets.

I also spend these weeks attempting to hide my stomach, now protruding from my body. The feeling of a tiny human moving around inside me, is still something I'm not used to.