Lavender

Chapter Seventeen

Cora

Tears sting my eyes before spilling over and blurring my vision. I can barely make out the back of his black truck turning a corner, away from me. It feels like someone's punched me in my gut.

I want to call him, beg him to come back. But I know I can't blame him for leaving. I'm the one that betrayed the trust, after all. He reacted in just the way I expected.

That doesn't make this hurt any less, though.

"Cora, what happened?" I hear the concern in Kimi's voice before I see the realization flicker onto her face, as she comes outside to find me at the end of my driveway.

"Oh Cora, I'm so sorry." She starts walking towards me.

A deep, hurting sob rips through me as I collapse into her.

"He. Found. Out. Before. I. Had. A. Chance. To. Tell. Him." I whimper in between gulps of air.

"Shh," Kimi soothes me and wipes away the wet strands of hair sticking to my tear-streaked face. "Come on, lets go inside.

I let her guide me back into my house, leaning most of my body weight onto her. My body feels heavy, having just lost all ability to move on it's own.

James and David stand at the bottom of my stairs, and I can't even look at them when I walk past them into my living room. But I can feel their curious eyes burning into the back of my head.

Kimi helps me into my couch and covers me with a quilted blanket.

"Do you need anything? A water or food, or anything at all?"

I shake my head in response, having absolutely no appetite at the moment.

"I'll be right back then. I'm just going to send the guys home."

"Thanks." My voice comes out hoarse. I bury my head beneath the blanket as sobs continue to rack through my body.

It seems like an eternity has passed before I finally feel myself drifting to sleep, a relief from the gut wrenching pain that I'd felt since walking out of my bathroom and finding Theo with my ultrasound picture in his hand.

I gently place my hands around my swollen belly, finding solace only in the fact that at least now Theo knows the truth. There will be no more having to hide my reality from him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I don't go to any of my classes the following week. The thought of running into Theo and seeing the same look of disappointment and hurt in his eyes that I saw Saturday morning, literally makes me nauseous.

Not that feeling nauseous is anything new to me. I just don't want to face that awkward first time of seeing each other since the news got out.

"Delivery," sings Kimi as she walks in my front door, without such as a knock.

She's come by every day this week to update me on the classes I missed and to bring me some sort of food. The takeout boxes from 5 different restaurants sit, untouched, in the same place she left them in my kitchen.

Today she has a basket full of face masks, nail polish, snacks, and every chick flick you could imagine on Blu-ray.

"Hope you're ready for a full blown girl's night!" She yells as she makes her way to my living room, where I sit in the loveseat with a blanket wrapped around me. Her smile fades when she takes me in.

I'm wearing the same oversized T-shirt and sweats that I had on two days ago. My unwashed, oily hair is piled into a messy bun on the top of my head, loose tendrils falling around my face.

"You look like shit."

"I feel like shit too, so I guess it's appropriate."

"The hobo look is never appropriate, girlfriend. Have you even been eating?"

"Yes! I had a sleeve of saltines this morning." I can't keep the defensiveness out of my voice.

Hell, I've been knocked up, I've lost family to cancer, I've accomplished a lot in life with out a mom or dad. I think I can take care of myself after a break up.

"Do you think that's good for the baby, Cora?" She squats down in front of me and pulls both of my hands to her. "Look, I know how hard this is for you. I can see how badly you're hurting. But this is no time to be selfish. You have another person's life depending on you." Her voice is earnest now.

As if the baby inside me were agreeing with her, a growl rumbles from my stomach. I can't help but laugh, even though I don't feel like laughing at all.

"I'm sorry," I say to both Kimi and my baby. "I'll eat something substantial now."

"I'll microwave one of the meals I brought you earlier this week," Kimi states while giving me the side eye.

"The chicken parm, please?" I smile sheepishly at her from beneath my blanket.

"Sure. But afterwards, you're bathing. No ifs ands or buts!"

Once I've stuffed myself, showered, and changed into a loose tank top and cotton shorts, I meet Kimi downstairs to apply our moisturizing face masks and start up our first movie of the night. We decide to start off with Monster in Law, something to make us laugh instead of cry.

Half way through our third movie of choice, Mamma Mia, Kimi sets up nothing short of a nail salon. She pulls out all the stops- cuticle remover, lotions, exfoliating scrubs, hot towels, and every color of nail polish possible.

"So did you decide on pink or purple?" she asks me, massaging lotion into my swollen feet.

"I think I'll go with the purple." The light shade reminds me of the lavender candle I bought when I first met Theo.

The memory of that day brings a small smile to my face. The way his soft skin puckered slightly around his mouth when he couldn't contain his laughter at my clumsiness, the way his firm hands cradled mine helping me up from the floor, the way his eyes shimmered and locked with mine the entire time he checked me out at his moms shop.

I come to a realization at that moment.

I love Theo. Like all out, head over heels, arrow through the heart, LOVE him.

It's too bad I'll never get the chance to tell him now. My inner self is as chastising as always.

Not wanting my emotions to get the best of me and ruin what a nice night Kimi prepared for us, I focus my attention to my flat screen. I'm instantly drawn to the sing-along town in Greece where Sophie searches for her father.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning, I wake up on my couch, the smell of bacon wafting through the air. Half asleep still, I stumble into the kitchen where Kimi dances in front of the stove.

"Good morning, sunshine." She turns when she hears my bare feet padding across the floor.

"Watcha making?"

"Eggs, bacon, and protein pancakes with fresh fruit. We've got to get you ready for today."

"What are we doing, running a marathon?"

She chuckles before answering, "more like a shopping marathon. Nothing heals a broken heart like retail therapy!"

I contemplate her idea of therapy for all of five seconds.

"Can we go to Von Maur?" My left eyebrow raises half an inch, in question.

"That was going to be my first stop!" She smiles at me mischievously.