Hopeless • BAR (SEQUAL TO SKINNY)

chapter four; fat & imperfect

[Kendall's PoV]

Life is weird.
You wake up every morning. You go to school. You come home. You do homework. You sleep.
Repeat.

Every day is monotone. It's the same just about every day, so when the daily schedule changes, the earth seems to fall off its axis.

Brynn's funeral was unexpected. She was so perfect, so flawless, but on the inside she was fat and imperfect, and she knew it.

Some people don't find the flaws in themselves. Happiness comes when you can't think of anything wrong with you. Reality comes when you realize your flaws.

Sadness seems to come to those who find their flaws. I never saw mine until last winter.

I loved my body. My skinny, frail, body. Most anorexics felt they  needed to be skinnier, but I was perfectly happy with my skin and bones body and paper thin stomach. I never found a flaw in my eyes, my hair, my face. Blemishes were blown off, because I was perfect, and I didn't want to think otherwise.

Until I was faced with the ugly truth, and I didn't take it well.

There I was, in front of my door mirror, pictures of the cheer squad taped all over it, lipstick kisses in ever color in the corners, and amidst the happy pictures and delicate kisses, there was a girl.

A girl who was imperfect, tugged out of her little world she created herself and into the real one.

It was a painful adaptation.

I no longer kissed my mirror, or wore shorts that my butt hung out of, or partied and got drunk every Friday night.
I wasn't confident, and I was trying to re-figure out who I was.

I couldn't find out who I truly was, so I pretended to be someone I'm not.

I was smiling, and laughing, and doing bad things. I was ditching school and eating nothing. I seemed like your average, crazy teenager.

But on the inside, my body was just as damaged.

I was not the perfect, skinny girl anymore.

Then who was I?

Now, I know I am technically a murderer.
And I am okay with that.

A/N-
I never update, sorry! Also, sorry this chapter was short & sucky, still working out details of this book.

Toodles,
Hanna