When We Were Young

The Long Run

"Ate Gabi, let's go back to the house na? Nagluto si mommy ng sinigang for lunch."

I stood up from the park bench and walked over to where Sam and Logan were. They were both seated on the swing set.

"'You good to go, ate?" Logan stood up and gave me a light pat on my shoulder.

"Yes." I assured him.

The three of us walked home. Nagkukwentuhan pa si Logan and Sam tungkol sa plano nilang mag-tayo ng isang music school pagdating ng panahon. Sam looked excited. Logan seemed determined. When we reached the house, nasa labas na ng gate si daddy. Probably waiting for us. Sam and Logan hurriedly went inside while I took my time walking. Daddy didn't move. He watched me walk until I was already in front of him.

"How was it?"Daddy asked.

"Okay, I guess." I shrugged.

Inakbayan ako ni daddy tapos ay naglakad na kami papasok ng bahay. We were walking slowly and in silence. He heaved out a sigh.

Binati ko si mommy na nasa kusina kasama si Batman. Hinahanda na nila ang mga plato, kubyertos at baso.

"Ate, I borrowed your laptop again ha. Pinapanood ko lamg kay mommy yung ginawa kong light show." Sabi ni Batman habang binibilang kung sakto na ba sa amin ang mga kubyertos na hawak nya.

"Okay." I answered.

"Are you okay, Gabi?" Mommy asked.

"Okay lang po, mommy." Umakap ako sa kanya. She gave me a light pat on my shoulder. "Bihis lang po ako sandali."

She nodded.

Umakyat ako sa kwarto ko. I took my shoes off and placed it on the rack. I looked at my desk just right beside the window. I walked over and pulled the curtain to the other side of the window sill. My room was dark in an instant. I knelt down. And then I crawled under the desk. I sat there and hugged my knees.

Breathe, Gabi. Deep breaths.

I said those words in my head, over and over. I could feel my chest wanting to burst again. The sinking feeling in my stomach was creeping in again, making me want to throw up.

Breathe , Gabi.

I told myself again. I shut my eyes tight. Hugged my knees tighter. Hoping that what I was feeling would be numbed by how tight I held myself. But it didn't. I didn't feel numb. I can still feel.

"Gabi..."

I lift my head up. My dad was already sitting in front of me. My room was bright again. He probably tied the curtain. Daddy looked at me with that kind of look again. As if he was trying to figure me out.

"Gabi..." He said my name again.

"Po?"

"Uwi na tayo, anak." He smiled hopefully.

"Daddy, okay naman po ako dito. Nandito na po ang buhay ko." I smiled back at him.

"Valencia is not home. Home is where your family is."

"And my family is always in my heart." I tried to sound as re-assuring as I can. "Kahit nasaan po ako, lagi naman po kayo sa puso ko eh."

"Pero mag-isa ka lang dito eh." There goes his worried tone again. Para syang batang nagdadahilan. "At least noong nasa Barcelona ka, kasama mo si auntie Reena mo. Dito sa Valencia, ikaw lang mag-isa."

"Daddy, hindi naman po kabilang mundo ang Barcelona. Kaya ko naman po ibyahe yun."

"That's not the point." He sighed na parang naiinis na. "Ayokong mag-isa ka. Pumayag lang ako na umalis ka sa poder ni Reena dahil kasama mo naman ang kuya Liit at ate Mariana mo dito. But now that they're moving to back to Manila mawawalan ka ng kasama. Baka mamaya kung anong mangyari sayo."