musings

i don't understand

trigger warnings: self harm, bullying, mentions of suicide

I don't understand

how it can be so bright outside

with sun and breeze and gold

while in here it is so dark.

I don't understand

how it can be so cold in here

with mould and stone and grey

and how my hip can sting so much

from only three cuts

and how I had the courage to make those three cuts

when everyone tells me not to

because cutting means depression

and depression means suicide

and suicide means death

but it's not

that

simple

I'm bad

I've never been good enough

nerdy

ugly

selfish

stupid

they remind me I'm a failure

and this is my punishment, it's that easy

for being so wrong

the blood is right