Say You Won't Let Go ~ Phan Songfic

You were always there for me

I wanna live with you

Even when we're ghosts

Cause you were always there for me

When I needed you most

~~

I heard Phil walk into the room and stop suddenly. It was expected, I had made quite a scene. The envelope was torn into a million shreds, scattered across the floor. The glass of water I'd been holding when I opened the letter smashed on the floor, shattered into tiny pieces, water everywhere. Dried tears from heaving sobs were stuck to my face and the letter was still clutched in my hands, in a deathly white grip. I heard him hesitate as if trying to decide if he should intervene.

"Go away Phil," I said, making the decision for him. I gripped the paper tighter in my hand, which only caused tears of frustration to gather in the corners of my eyes. He didn't listen to my plea, instead I heard him place the bag of groceries down on the floor. I still waited for him to oblige, waited for the shuffle of his steps, and the close of the door, to be left alone. Instead there was a deafening silence, so quiet you could hear the sound of my tears hitting the paper.

"What's in your hands?" The paper crinkled in my hands, a sound that would usually go unnoticed, but due to the quiet of the room, amplified and rung in my ears.

"Nothing," my voice cracked and wobbled over the single word. The tears of frustration dropped off my face, frustration at them, frustration at myself for letting myself get this upset, frustration at phil for not leaving me alone.

"It's clearly not nothing," I wanted to scream at him, tell him to fuck off, throw things at the wall. I scrunched up the paper and threw it in his general direction. I clutched my knees to my chest and waited. The paper unfolded, a pause, then a small gasp.

"Daniel, thank you for your wedding invitation. We cannot attend as we cannot support your choice to marry a man." Another pause. I'd read it over and over, the next part was the worst, the part where they said I was no son of theirs. Until he read it out it hadn't felt real but hearing the words come out of his mouth solidified it. It wasn't a dream. They really did write that, they really did ruin any chance of me having a loving family.

"Oh Dan," I didn't notice he'd moved until he was behind me, down to my place on the floor, he didn't care if he got soaked by the water or cut by the glass, he just wanted to hold me. He placed his arms around me and held me and rocked me back and forth like he use to when we were younger. A fresh set of tears made their way down my face, my family was never going to accept us, never going to accept me. My mind played the words of the letter over and over in my head. Phil hummed, our favourite song The Promise of the World. I still remember when I played it for the first time, the day we moved into our apartment. When he thought I was going to leave him but how could I ever leave someone like him. Soon my sobs had reduced to sniffles and the soaked floor had begun to dry. Phil ran out of songs to hum, but still held me and stroked my hair, waited for me to be okay. I moved slowly and turned around to face him. He had tears of his own on his cheeks that I wished more than anything I hadn't caused. My pain was his pain.

"Do you love me Dan?" I nodded and hoped it was enough to communicate just how much I do. I wouldn't be able to stop loving him even if I wanted to.

"Then that's all that matters, just because they," he gestured to the letter discarded on the floor, "share the same blood as you, they can't tell you how to live your life." He looked deep into my eyes, his stare so intense I had to look away. There was a level of anger present I hadn't known Phil to possess, who knew he was this protective of me. His anger only fueled mine.

"I thought they would have changed by now? We've been together for three years, can't they see that we're in love?!" I yelled towards but not at Phil. I closed my eyes, not wanting to let myself shed tears over this anymore. He rested his forehead against mine and gave me a quick kiss.

"We don't need them, we have our own chosen family. You have Louise, PJ, and so many more friends that love and care about you more than those idiots do," I thought of Louise with her new baby, Pj and Sophie, people that loved and cared about us. And Phil, my thoughts fluttered around him and loving memories of our time together. Big moments of our relationship, like the day we met or when we agreed to move in with each other or when I proposed, to little things like his tongue between his teeth or how you could go swimming in his eyes or his voice early in the morning or when he held me when I cried. He was always there for me when I needed him most, and he was right, I didn't need my family to accept me to love Phil. I love Phil with all my heart, and their homophobia is not going to stop me from marrying the man I love. A real genuine smile formed on my lips, full of love, full of nothing but adoration for the boy in my arms.

"I wanna be with you forever," I said, happily, grossly, totally in love. There's nothing I want more than to spend the rest of my life with Phil. So fuck my family.

"I wanna be with you even when we're ghosts," he said and I shook my head at him, only we could be this cheesy and cliché.

"I love you Phil," he pecked me on the cheek and used his thumb to wipe away any leftover tears.

"I love you too," he whispered. We sat for another moment, just happy to be in each other's arms until he suddenly remembered something and he looked back to the bags he'd dropped earlier.

"I got you a present!" I raised my eyebrows, this wasn't like Phil. He never bought me presents and would never let me buy him expensive gifts unless it was a special occasion. I tried to remember if I'd missed an important date while he jumped up and went over to the bags.

"Do you remember last week when we had an argument over what flowers we wanted?" I nodded, although he has his back turned to me, he knew that I knew. It was one of our more heated arguments, over flowers of all things. He turned around and held out the offending flower in his hands. Sunflowers.

"No. Fucking. Way. I hate sunflowers." He smiled and waved them around in my face as I swatted them with my hands.

"Why do you hate sunflowers?"

"Well they're pretty, but they're really tall and they're like really thick and hairy,"

"Hairy?"

"The leaves they're not like delicate pretty flowers, they're like gnarly, bristly,"

"But they're so bright,"

"They're too big, they're a bit scary, they're way too bright and they're just huge, look at them," he humored me and looked at the sunflowers, but the smile on his face didn't change.

"That's a shame, I just ordered a whole bunch for the wedding," he dropped the hated flowers into my lap, how dare he order these large, obnoxious flowers with their big stem and big face and pretty yellow, delicate petals that look really nice against my black jeans.

"You did not!" He laughed and knelt down to the floor and squished my cheeks.

"But they make you look so cute," he said in a high pitched voice and he gave me one of his looks, the one he knew I couldn't resist. Phil always got his way. And not that I'd ever tell him, but they are pretty, and they would look really nice with our black suits.

"I can't believe you made such an important decision without me," I whined, but he knew I had given in and he'd gotten his way. He let go of my face to grab the flowers from my lap, delicately picked off a petal and let it fall to the floor dramatically.

"Yes, flowers, a very important decision," He reached out his hand to pull me up and I let him lead me into the kitchen, while he told me about his adventure to the store, where some man woofed in his ear and he ended up buying a kinder egg because they didn't have any soy sauce.

~~

Later unknown to Dan, Phil would go back into the lounge, clean up the mess and throw out the crumpled and smudged letter, that had sat forgotten on the floor.

~~

AN

I took the discussion about sunflowers straight from words the real dan said, I can't believe he hates sunflowers