sorrow

three.

Dan:
Phil hasn't come home in two days now. He said he'd stay at his family for one night. I text him asking where he is. I feel lonely without him. I know he doesn't love me anymore the way he used to, he sees me as a friend now. But I'm still in love with him. So deeply, madly in love with him. I can't do anything about it.
I can't stop these feelings inside me. Everytime I think I'm over him, I see him and fall for him all over again. It feels like a never ending cycle. The worst part is that I know he'll never love me back, because of what I did. I can never forgive myself for what happened, and neither can Phil.

Daniel: Hi Phil, are u still with ur family? Should i be concerned? Ttyl :)

I send the text and lock my phone. I look up at the clock and notice that it's 9 PM already. I jump up from the couch and run to my room. It's tuesday, so i should be doing a liveshow right now. I open up my macbook and curse when i notice the device has no battery left. "shit shit shit" I mumble. I plug in the laptop and open Younow. I start the liveshow, and let out a sigh of relief when I see the comments. They don't care if I'm late, they just want to see me. That's what I love about my fans. They love me for who I am. Eventhough I'm way to late, they just want to see me. I don't know what I'd do if it wasn't for my subscribers.

Phil:
I'm microwaving some popcorn in the kitchen when I hear my phone getting a text in the livingroom. That's where Cat is right now. I ask her if she can read what it says. "Sure babe. Oh hey, it's from dan!" she yells back. "Oh shit" I whisper. She starts reading it. "Ehm Phil, he's asking if you're still at your family. What the hell? Haven't you told him you're staying at my place this week?"
I know I messed up. She goes on; "Phil, haven't you told anyone about our relationship? You haven't told Dan have you? Are you ashamed of me or something?" As soon as she finishes her sentence, I walk up to her and want to pull her into a hug. I see her eyes watering and try to talk her out of this nonsense. "Ofcourse not Cat, I love you so much. I just really think Dan would get hurt if I told him. I know he's over me but he doesn't know I like girls too." Cat freaks out. "What?? So that's the reason you won't tell anyone about our relationship? WE'VE BEEN DATING 5 MONTHS, PHIL. 5 GODDAMN MONTHS!" She starts yelling at me. I've never seen her this upset before. "Cat, I'm sorry. I'll tell everyone right now if that's what you want." She laughs. Not the 'happy laugh', but the 'I'm freaking out so I'm gonna laugh sarcasticly' laugh. "You know what Phil? Forget it. Get out of my house." I am stood in her livingroom, frozen, in shock. Is she sending me away? Just because we're having an argument? "Ehm okay baby, if that's what you want." She folds her arms as she waits for me to leave. "Don't you dare to call me baby, Phil Lester." I open the door and walk out. Tears start to fill my eyes. I walk to the metro station, take out my Oyster card, and step into a random metro, not knowing my destination.