The Failing Millennial

Failure

 "The average medical school applicant applies three times before successful admissions" I read that sentence at least a hundred times on many different websites trying to reach some resolution, some solace, some relief that it's okay that even after my second attempt at applying to medical school I was rejected. But it's not okay. It's petty, and dramatic but no matter what anyone says in an attempt to comfort me or understand, my mindset is that I am a reject. No matter what anyone else says, I was not good enough. It was a cold-hard fact that I carried with me for a little too long.

It was quite the nice slap in the face and knocked me down for a while. The first time I was rejected for medical school was the first time I was rejected for anything. I have a Bachelors degree in kinesiology with honours, I have a Master's degree in Kinesiology, both programs I got into right away and came away with that piece of paper in the regular amount of time. Why? Because I worked hard and earned it. Yet the one thing dragging me down and the one thing that seems to be able to diminish the achievements I have, is a piece of paper that thousands of others also received saying the same polite lines about the high quality competition all the while basically telling you that you are not good enough. I was a number on a list, and that number was not good enough. Every time I think of this simple fact I hear my sister in the back of my head "it is not a representation of your ability to become a doctor", speaking as a doctor now herself, I am sure she is right. She usually is and I respect her opinion on this more than anyone. Does that mean being a reject still doesn't suck? Absolutely not. So I choose to not talk to her when I want to have a pity party, as dramatic as that is, when you want to feel like shit and soak in the disappointment in yourself the last thing you need is a voice of reasoning (I still love you though).

However it is we find ourselves failing, whether its not being good enough, not being able to find a job after being a highly educated young adult, not having it all figured out while everyone around you seems to have no problem jumping on their life path, I think you should take comfort in the fact that most of us are with you, and we just don't talk about it. Seriously the last thing any of us want to do is gather in a circle, sing kumbaya, and share the fact that life is hard and we feel lost and cheated by a shitty, harsh world. It doesn't mean we aren't with you.

Sometimes we need to feel our failure to actually appreciate our success. We need to soak in the disappointment so that we can move on from it. With all of the pressure life has to offer us #failingmillennials, why can't we just allow ourselves to step back and take in the grief sometimes that life knocked us down. Take a second to just feel like shit and feel the failure; allow it in and use that feeling to better ourselves. Failing can be a beautiful thing, because only you can allow yourself to truly fail. When do we fail? In my opinion, when we give up on ourselves.

fail·ure (ˈfālyər/)

noun

First definition

· Lack of success, defeat

Second definition

· The omission of expected or required action

How we define our failures, and successes, has a major role in how we grow from them. Do I consider my failure as a result of lack of effort, as characterized by the second definition? No. I simply lacked success in my endeavor thus far to become a medical doctor, and that's okay. I would rather fail a thousand times this way than fail once because I didn't try (can I get an amen?). I don't know about you, I don't know your situation but I think we can all relate to each other in that we have all been pleasantly humbled by failing ourselves on some level. Failing even a little bit is a reality check life throws at us to help us learn that life doesn't come so easy. The message that "you need to work harder" or "you need to present yourself better" or "life is just unfair sometimes, sorry you didn't get it" is the reality check a lot of us need. It's like a life test that the thing we are striving for is really want we want, because it's hard as hell to have it all figured out and flawlessly go through school and get a job all by our mid-twenties.

I think that the particular struggle us millennials have is the number of opportunities out there and the "adult" choices we have to make to set our life paths, when we are far from actually being adults. Not to say I personally regret any of the choices I have made for myself looking at the big picture, but it is the little things that eat at me now. What if I waited to make sure this was my true path? What if I hadn't partied so much, or binged watched that one TV show, what if I looked further into scholarships or grants so I didn't have to work my entire university career. What if? The question that does nothing for us but destroys us all the same. What are we supposed to do? How are we supposed to feel?

I digress, from the important point of us millennials having too many options with too little knowledge. I am not saying we are stupid by any means, in fact the majority of us are ambitious and driven and know what hard work consists of. Millennials are taking the world by a storm. However, we have not been set up to deal with the fact that to be successful (by whichever definition you wish you go by) in this world we live in, you need much more than a dream and a good work ethic. How do we cope when we are knocked on our asses when we realize the opportunities we want don't always come as easily as others. How do we deal with the hard truth that today, even a university degree doesn't guarantee stability? We see so many people around us achieving great things and settling down and saving all this money and going on trips, while some of us aren't even close to being finished with our education. Some of us are finished but swimming in debt, some of us still haven't figured it all out. It's okay. I think one of the most important thing we need to realize for ourselves is that we don't actually want the lives other people have. We want the superficial aspect that we see, we want the completion, the job, the partner, the house; but do we actually want that life? Seeing other people achieving their dreams (or maybe even choosing to settle for something less?) shouldn't confuse your choices or your life path. You have this life and are where you are right now because you are staying true to your interests and values and strengths so don't compare yourself to the people who don't share that. If you read this and figure out "holy shit I am not on the right path, this is not the life I want" then grow up and make the changes you need to make. What is stopping you from doing what you actually want to do with your life but you?

What I have learned in my experience at failing is that it tends to progress in a series of ways, perhaps not in the same order for everyone. This will all depend on how you define failure, of course. Also, many of these experiences overlap with each other, occurring at the same time only to overwhelm you further with feelings of shame and doubt and grief. For me, being rejected from medical school was a shock to the system, this was not the plan, so I needed to allow myself time to accept this, and adjust. Some days I woke up and didn't want to get out of bed because I felt useless, at that moment I wasn't on the path I wanted to be so what good was I and all the achievements I have made if I couldn't achieve my most important goal? Most of the time feeling useless and questioning myself worked in parallel making for a really great mindset (kidding, obviously). I questioned myself, my choices, my successes, my intellect.

I think it's important for me to point out here that when I talk about failure, I am not saying we are failures. I am speaking from my experience and my mindset for so long that I was failing myself. I did feel like a failure. Then, I got the fuck over myself and made a list, started planning, got out of bed and did shit. It's a process and it works.