The Failing Millennial

When you question yourself

The universe is conspiring against you right? Things aren't going to plan, you see all these people your age finishing school, hopping into some stable career, finding a great relationship,  and settling down. All the while, you are stagnant. Frozen in space because you are still not where you want to be. You have been hit by obstacles, time has flown by without you even realizing and all of a sudden it's your turn to order and you still don't know if you want an Americano or drip coffee. What if you make the wrong choice?

I'm fortunate enough (for the lack of a better term, you will understand once you read the rest) to have many great friends that have struggled in a similar way as I am right now. I know many people who didn't get in right away, who are currently unemployed after finishing a program that should have plenty of jobs, who took years to figure out where they wanted to be, and who are still trying to figure it out. When I say I am fortunate, it's not because I can use their struggles in this context right now, but I say it because they did struggle and they also kept fighting. I've watched good friends, smart and dedicated people, have to apply and re-apply to programs or jobs, watched them struggle wondering if their path was that one really right for them, sometimes just struggle to see daylight. I can relate so much to my friends and on some level as I go through this, I know it's just a part of the hard process of being a #failingmillennial.

"Those who criticize our generation forget who raised it"

-unknown

I was hit hard. How dare they? How dare some admissions committee tell me that I am not good enough to be a part of the medical program. After all the hours of studying, the volunteer work, going above and beyond in many of my work positions, how dare they tell me what I have done doesn't cut it. But maybe they are right? What if, they are right? I should really begin to look back and see that maybe I am not good enough for this. I could have worked harder, I could have volunteered more, I could have taken more initiative, I could have saved up money and volunteered overseas like some people get the amazing opportunity to do, I could have done better.

How dare I? How dare I let anyone, or any committee question my worth, my intellect, my value and my potential to be everything I dreamed of being. How dare I question myself. No one is at fault here. The world just sucks. I am someone with the potential to be a great doctor, from the people who know me best I have been told this numerous times. Sometimes you get beat, you are defeated, you are a number on a list of thousands and that number just wasn't high enough. It's a punch in the gut, it's the shittiest feeling in the world, but it's life.

I don't know about you, I don't know your story (please share). Whether you are in the same boat as me, didn't get into your program or school of choice, or maybe you didn't get the job you thought you would, or the promotion you know you deserve, maybe you just aren't where you want to be in life at all and feel like there are a hundred things blocking your way, don't let it defeat you. Don't allow a harsh world impact your self-worth or crush your dreams. As millennials we were born into an era of high expectations that ultimately increase the risk of disappointment. Maybe you really didn't try hard enough. In a perfect world we would all be able to just study or work our asses off and volunteer 20 hours a week and have no problem achieving anything we wish. In a perfect world our hard work would actually pay off. The world isn't perfect and neither are we. We need free time, we need friends, we need leisure and relaxation so that we don't go crazy (not just millennials of course, but let's stick to the topic shall we). So yes, if you want to be technical, I know I could have worked harder, we all could, but you need to be realistic.

Questioning yourself is a natural phenomenon we all at some point in our life experience. It's a part of being human and it's a part of being a #failingmillennial that everything is in front of us but nothing is within reach. Are we good enough? Did we make the right choice? Am I taking too long deciding? Well how long should you take to decide what you want to do with the rest of your life? Not all of us have the luxury of knowing our destiny or figuring out a career that has the perfect balance of our interests and strengths. Not all of us want the same thing.

As #failingmillennials we question ourselves in ways that don't even really matter. I think we have been raised to constantly question ourselves in the most superficial ways. Are we attractive enough, are we presentable, are we socially awkward, do we have spinach in our teeth?  Instead of owning who we are, what we enjoy, what we want to be, we worry about how it's perceived, what people say about it and what that makes people think of us. 

It's so easy to question our own decisions, goals, and abilities to achieve them. I dare you to change the narrative in your own mind and instead of asking, "what if?" or "can I do this?", ask yourself "what now?". What are you going to do to make your own dreams come true, what are you going to do right now to help yourself figure out your life path. What now? So while are are standing in line debating whether we would prefer an Americano or a drip coffee we may just decide we want a fucking macchiato. Get that macchiato with confidence.