The Failing Millennial

When you feel like nobody gets it

                 

Whatever it is we are struggling with in life, it is not unique. What is unique about it, however, is you. Nobody else understands how you feel at the same level and core that you feel it. Nobody will think or react the same way as you even when they have failed in the same way. So remember that, if you are listening to me at all and allowing yourself feel these inevitable emotions, it's okay to feel alone. Ultimately, so many of us are sharing these doubts, questions, rejections, worries but we get into our heads and react the way we react and that's okay (as long as you're still nice to people). We are all human here, so there will be days where we don't want to talk to anyone because no one will understand what it is we are feeling, and we might be right about that. So we can take that day to sulk and throw our pity party, but then we get over ourselves and appreciate the people we have to support and comfort us.

You don't want to talk about it

If you are reading this and find yourself thinking back to some hard conversations where you yelled at someone a little too harshly for not understanding, or ignored someone because you didn't want to put in the effort to explain and divulge your heartbreaking failure, write those names down and remember that those people just care about you. It's not their fault you are struggling with whatever it is you have going on, and they were still there for you trying to help. Get over yourself and your failure and appreciate those people. What kind of a person will come over, see you elbow deep in a tub of ice cream with 3 day old sweatpants and still want to stick around to talk to you about it? Your god damn good friends and amazing family. Don't let your situation cloud that fact.

I've had times where I got so frustrated discussing trying to study for my MCAT, or the entire process of applying, and of course the rejection bit, with the people closest to me that I just eventually shut it out; I shut them out. I was at my pity party for one and let no one else in because I got sick of talking about my failure. What would have been easier is if I got over myself and just said "I really don't want to talk about it". Case closed, good day, problem solved, no one is hurt and no one dies. How simple is it to just tell the truth? Then the magic really happened, when once I said that to anyone who asked questions about it, they understood and STOPPED ASKING. Ground-breaking, really.

It's okay to feel shitty and just not want to talk about the shit that is shitty. The friends you have and the family you have that cares enough to ask you about what you have going on, is an amazing thing. No, they may not understand what you are going through, and no, they likely haven't gone through it or felt the way you do right now, but they are still there for you and that's something we should stop taking for granted. 

Everyone else is succeeding

It's pretty hard to fail and stay sane when everyone around you seems to be moving forward with their lives and making money, paying off their debt, starting families, going on vacations, while you're still here in your pyjamas crying over a job or a program or just not having it figured out. It just sucks. I have many friends now who are in their careers and I am so genuinely happy for them, but it sucks to see them having picked a road to success and it makes me question sometimes if I just fucked up. Did I pick the right path? If I had gone a different route I could be in a job right now and on the same level as them, paying off my debt, starting my life, getting ready to buy a house and living. Instead I want to... go to school for four more years? Rack up over a hundred thousand dollars in more debt? Ouch. Even though I know in my gut that I am passionate about where I want to be and I would be good at it, seeing the people I love around me so successful, or even moderately successful, it sucks.

Some of my friends are on the same road they decided on all along. My best friend (okay I have a few) is an accountant and making great money for herself. Last time she was home she was my sugar mama because I was so broke after just moving home and couldn't find even a part time job that had nothing to do with my education. I was happy to see her making it rain with the dollar bills but it also reminded me how far I have to go. Another friend was an LPN, took a couple years off school, travelled everywhere in Europe and south America and then went back to school to finish a nursing degree. My old roommate changed her mind about being a nurse and decided she was happy working as an LPN and just wanted to start her life, she didn't want another few years of school, and that's okay.

Failing is okay, succeeding is obviously okay, as long as where you are at and what you are doing is in the effort to take you where you truly want to be. Is it "okay" to be "successful" in a job that is really just a job for you to pay the bills and not something you are honestly passionate about and look forward to each morning? Is that success? Maybe to some people success equals money, but not to me.

We never really know years down the road where life is going to take us, and it's okay to change our minds, switch gears, or take a step back. Being a failure is subjective just as being successful is. If I asked any one of these friends I just mentioned if they consider themselves successful, I don't know if they would all say yes, even if I consider them boss ass babes who definitely have it figured out.