BUBOG (An AMACon4 Entry)

UNGKAT

"I wish we could choose which memories to remember"

November 24, 2016, Abuja, Nigeria

150OH

It left me shaken. The moment we left that village, it was as if my heart and soul stayed there.

I so badly wanted to help those children. But as their lifeless body, lie on the ground, with blood dripping from their eyes, ears and mouth. Their soiled and torn clothes removed and their private parts exposed, I felt myself frozen on the ground.

I couldn't move. I couldn't even gasp for air as it stings my nostrils with the blood's strong metallic scent. I couldn't utter a single command.

My men, they were waiting for my go signal.

After taking out those mother fucking bastards, we were supposed to just pass through the village. But we were already engaged. We cannot just leave those calling for our help.

I went against the orders and decided to help the surviving victims.

Wrong move.

It only showed me the worst. How can they do this to the their own people?

Those rebels, they were only kids. But the atrocities that they do to their own blood, it's not something kids can do.

I have had my medical training back in the US and I knew that it isn't right to turn my back on these... people. Not when they were treated like animals.

One woman was begging me with her last breath to take her son with me. But her son was dead, and she soon will be.

I can no longer hold it in and asked why, why do they do this to their own people? How can a human do this to another?

And with shaking voice and flowing bloodied tears she said, "They remove the breasts of nursing mothers so they can no longer feed their newborn babies. Then they kill the babies like they were fucking chickens."

That was the last straw.

That was the last string I could draw.

I begged and begged to whoever is up there to take me out of this god forsaken place.

I saw how her life left her eyes. I felt how she took that last breath as she tried with all her might to cradle her dead baby beside her.

I... took a punch in the gut. It was too much.

It was just too much.

Sa loob ng limang minuto mula nung nag simulang basahin ng doctor ko ang nakasulat sa itim na notebook, pakiramdam ko para akong dahan dahang sinasaksak sa dibdib.

Buong oras akong nakayuko at nagkukuyakoy.

Nanginginig ang mga kamay ko at pinagpapawisan ang mga palad ko.

Kahit anong pilit kong takip sa tainga ko naririnig ko pa rin ang mga sigaw ng mga babaeng ginagahasa at iyak ng mga batang dahan dahang pinapatay.

Tama na!

Narinig ko ang tunog ng paglapat ng notebook sa ibabaw ng lamesa subalit hindi ko magawang tumingala at tingnan ang doktor na nasa aking harapan.

Sa bawat luhang tumutulo mula sa aking mga mata, isa doon ay parang masa na dumudurog sa aking puso.

Don't they realize how bad the situation was that they have to keep reminding me what I went through in that fucking hell hole?

Alam ko naman na ang pagiging isang U.S Navy SEAL ay nangangahulugan na sasabak kami sa mga gera. Pero sa dami ng mga labanang pinuntahan ko, ang laban ko sa Abuja, Nigeria ang hindi ko makakalimutan.