listen // mlb fanfic - complete

(11) / ƖıɬɬƖɛ Ɩơʂɬ ცơყ

i think the song above is perfect for this book - edited.

MARINETTE:

I was panicking.

What the hell did I just do?

As I acted like I was surprised about the fight with Alya: my brain was going haywire.

Out of all things to tell him, I tell him he's selfish? That he should just stop? You can't just stop being depressed. Then again, maybe he was okay. Maybe I was just angering him because he was okay.

I got no definite signs that he was depressed. Maybe he just exploded because I was really started to annoy him as I tried to convince him he was something he wasn't.

Or was this just me talking to make things easier? I groaned.

Why couldn't he just speak?

"I'm so posting this on my Ladyblog!" Alya said excitedly as she uploaded the video.
"Since you weren't there, wanna watch it?" Alya asked.

I shrugged and she began it. It was from a good angle.

It showed us fighting the villain, then me suddenly hugging Chat.

At the beginning, I noticed Chat'a eyes widen in surprise and—unless my eyes were deceiving me—a bit of fear. Then he relaxed and stayed still in my arms.

I saw myself as Ladybug about to confront him, but he cut me off saying, "Stop, Ladybug. Okay? Just stop. You're only making things worse. I don't need your pity."

I winced. "Harsh." Alya nodded and said, "To be perfectly honest, I feel bad taking pleasure in something like this. But they're my life!"

"Chat, this stupid little act of you 'being okay' you're doing is selfish. Let me help you," I saw me snap at him and forced myself not to cringe at my stupidity.

He clenched his jaw. "I. Am. Fine. And it's not selfish because there is no act! I don't know why you think I'm hurting or something when everything is perfectly fine!"

Alya paused the video. "I don't get this part. He's hurting? Does he like, have depression or something? Because he seems perfectly fine."

They all do.

"I'm sure it's just some drama they had," I replied.

"I'm just trying to help, Chat! What don't you understand?" Recorded-Ladybug shouted.

"I don't understand why you think something is wrong," he answered calmly, but his eyes blazed, begging for me to stop. How didn't I realize this?

"Chat. We're partners. I hate seeing you like this," i said.

For a split second, he looked guilty. Then, "No, it's not that. It's that I'm your pity object you help so you don't feel guilt later on."

Using his baton, he swung away, leaving me quite alone to deal with my thoughts in the middle of the court.

"Wow," was all I said. "That was weird."

"Right, girl! Oh, here's the teacher," Alya responded quickly, stuffing her phone in her bag.

I face planted into my desk in regret.

ADRIEN:

That Thursday night, I turned into Chat Noir. Jumping around the city roofs, I felt the night's darkness seep into me despite the city's lights. It slipped through me, turning my bones into ice even though summer was approaching.

Feeling utterly lost, despair ran through my veins, being as hostile as ever, with broken thoughts cutting any amount of hope that dared cross it.

I used my baton to go even faster, just running until I reach The End.

Just forget. Forget everything and run like hell's on your heels.

For once, however, the freedom racing through me did nothing to calm me, the beautiful land marks of Paris racing past me doing nothing to give me peace.

With each equally depressing thought crossing my mind, I became more tired with this life.

Ladybug probably hated me right now, yet I couldn't hold a grudge against her. Her beautiful, blue-bell eyes, that pretty caring personality, her little smile she sometimes gave. I shouldn't let my jealousy stop her from  being a superhero, doing her job and trying to help.

Pity, I heard myself think. Knew it was true, but kept that little secret buried in the desert island I had lost myself in, the water that was surrounding the desert I had drowned myself in.

I should be happy about her crush. I should support her, and yet here I have her running after me like I was some sort of child.

I was capable of keeping these dark emotions of deep self-loathing and complete desolation to myself for fifteen years. It didn't have to stop now.

Give a smirk, fake a smile, force a laugh, do whatever you can to show that you're okay. Because you are. You are okay, Adrien. You'll make it through. Three more years.

But I could feel myself slowly halt to a stop on the windless night. Without realization, I had been crying. I swung to Ladybug and I's usual roof and just sat there, legs crossed, contemplating how easy it would be to jump off and die, with tears freely flowing from my face, not afraid to show emotion now because in the night, the darkness cloaked me. It made me and formed me and hid me. It comforted me and helped me. The dark was just an illusion of having no light, but it gave me more companionship and love than anyone could. And as weird as that sounds, I enjoyed it.

But the voices in my head, those little nagging thoughts that plagued me all throughout my life never stopped, never shut up once.

No river can run forever. We'll all end someday. So why not make your due date a little earlier?

And like that, my little momentary drop of peace was gone, because I was a shattered mirror with lost pieces.

a/n: i'm starting my finals so I won't be updating as often. but then summer so there's that >•< - edited.