Deceptions & Secrets

Chapter 1: Prior Changes

Chapter 1: Prior Changes

Six Months before Tobias's Choosing Ceremony (Early December)

*Beatrice POV*

I have been to my share of Abnegation funerals, they are all the same: simple, no large expression of emotions and most important - - very somber. A funeral must be a solemn occasion. Everyone gathers to support the deceased's family, and no one has idle hands. This one is no different.

There is no laughter, or shouting, or joking, which suits me just fine, as I am overcome with my own grief. I glance at my mother, driven by a strong desire to watch over her and make sure she is well. And at the same time it pains me to look at her. In just days she has become a shell of the woman she used to be. She is still here, I remind myself. She is still here with me.

I can't fault her; losing your husband and only son on the same day is something no woman should ever have to endure.

My father and Caleb died three days ago.

Every time I let my guard down, every time I let my mind wander, my last moments with my father and brother replay in my mind, tormenting me with my grief.

++o++

Father stops next to me, giving me a kiss on the forehead. "Get lots of rest, Beatrice," he says gently. "I hope you are feeling better when I get home tonight. I love you."

"Bye, Beatrice," Caleb calls, his hand already on the door handle.

I lift my head off the table and wave at them both. "Goodbye, Dad, goodbye, Caleb. I love you both. See you tonight."

++o++

But I did not see them that night. Instead, my mother woke me from my sleep just a few hours later, as I was sick and she had sent me to my room to rest. I still remember how her shaking hands touched my shoulder and side. For a moment I thought she was being playful and trying to tickle me, which in itself would be strange as that is a form of affection I have only seen the Dauntless children do at school while joking around.

My mother could barely contain her tears; pale and shaking, she instructed me to be strong, that we only had each other now. When I asked her what she meant, her jaw trembled as she said the words.

My father and brother were dead, killed in a terrible bus accident that had happened just after they left the house. I was frozen, in that moment I felt nothing, I actually felt like I was nothing. As though the ground had opened and swallowed me whole.

As I opened my mouth to release the grief that was bubbling up in my chest, my mother broke down. Instead, I swallowed my sound, and watched in horror as she buried her face in her hands and screamed. I realized in that moment, my mother was unable to let go of her feelings until she was with me. She needed me to be strong.

And strong is what I am being now. My mother needs me now. She is all I have, and I am all she has, as well. I haven't cried yet. I am too tired to cry. One day I will, I know it will happen. But not today. My mother needs me to be strong today.

I glance at her. She is sitting in a chair by the closed caskets, her face stoic and still. The only movement is the tears that slowly fall down her cheeks. Even her neck is wet, as she has not bothered to lift her hand to wipe them away with the handkerchief she grips tightly in her fingers.

I walk over slowly, and bend to take the cloth out of her hand. I offer her my hand and wait; it takes her a moment to focus and take hold. I gently lead her to the small sitting room that is off to the side.