Second Chances

Chapter 16

"Mommy, pleeeeeeeease can’t Jon come in the wimmin’ pool with me?" Brooke Lynn stuck her lower lip out in a classic pout. "I pwomise I’ll watch him reeeeeeal good."

Lois shook her head and smiled at Casey as the two women followed Brooke outside to her small inflatable wading pool. Casey carried Jon, who had just awakened from a nap and was curious about his strange surroundings. "No, Brooke," Lois said gently, rubbing the top of her daughter’s head with affection. "I told you that your cousin is still too young to go in the pool with you, but I’m sure he and Aunt Casey would love to watch you swim."
"Your mom’s right, Brooke," Casey added gently. She crouched down to Brooke’s level, somehow managing to balance Jon in her arms. "Besides, Jon really doesn’t like the water yet. He still cries every time I give him a bath. But maybe if you show him how much fun you can have in the water, he’ll change his mind and then maybe next summer he can go swimming with you!"

Brooke’s lower lip receded a little and she almost smiled. "OK. I guess so." As she scampered towards the small pool, Lois extended her hand towards some nearby lawnchairs. The two women walked towards them and then sat down, with Lois keeping a wary eye on the now-happy-and-splashing Brooke Lynn.

"So," Lois said, reaching over to pat her nephew’s back lovingly. "How’s the little guy doin’ now?"
Casey sighed. "Much better." She leaned back to look into his eyes that were wide with curiosity. "Who would have thought that he could get so miserable so quick -- and from his own mother’s milk, no less!"

Lois clucked her tongue and waved a hand at Casey. "See, now -- I thought you would be feelin’ this way. That’s why I wanted to be sure to have you come over to my house today." She leaned forward after glancing at Brooke again. "Lotsa babies start out fine with nursin’ and then have to switch to formula. That’s no reflection on you, Casey."

She picked at the fabric of her culottes. "I know, Lois, but I just feel like such a failure, you know?" She rubbed Jon’s back again. "I thought I would die when Dr. Kreusser told me it was the milk that was giving him those terrible tummy aches." She gave a rueful laugh. "Now I guess I’ll just have to settle for the awful smell that spit-up Similac with Iron leaves on his onesies!"

"I know, honey," Lois crooned. She patted Casey’s knee. "And I’ll bet you miss those special times when you were nursin’ him, right?"

"I never thought I would feel that way, Lois," Casey replied. "It was so amazing -- the connection we made -- like at night, when all the lights were out and it was just Jon and I staring into each other’s eyes." Despite her good intentions, tears started to form again in the corners of her eyes.

It just seemed like nothing had gone right after Carter left that night to go to Malibu. The following day, Jon had been cranky and had trouble sleeping. Casey thought that maybe her own tension about Carter being gone was responsible for Jon’s anguish. But the following day, he refused to nurse at all, and when Casey finally was able to coax him to take a little milk, he cried for a solid hour afterward.

Casey was almost hysterical when she spoke with Dr. Kruesser on the telephone. The woman tried to calm Casey’s fears but then agreed to meet her at the Emergency Room that evening. She gave Jon a thorough examination while Lois and Charles both tried to assure Casey that it was nothing serious in the waiting room. When the doctor finally emerged and told Casey that she thought it was just some kind of gastric intolerance to breastmilk, she wasn’t sure whether to be crushed or thankful.

The next day, Casey switched Jon to formula and after some initial awful faces at the taste, she had to admit that he seemed happier. He slept soundly for the first time in days, and by that evening, he was draining bottles of the formula as quickly as Casey could feed them to him. His smiles had returned and Casey treasured them even more.
"Ya know, even though you’re not nursin’ him anymore, you can still have that closeness, Case."