GO ASK NAMJOON | kim namjoon

entry #34 [F]

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It happend while he was gone.

As soon as he walked through the backdoor he was abruptly pushed against the wall, patted down and told to strip.

Oh, he had forgotten the regulators did body and cavity searches as well.

He looked over to his manager with pleading eyes as he began to peel off his clothes, seven pairs of eyes starting sorrowfully.

The other members began to file out, including his manager to leave him to his body search.

Hands were roaming his naked form, his limbs pulled every which way as he leaned against the wall, obeying every command.

It was until he saw a regulator slip on a blue glove, greasing up and telling him to bend over that tears began brewing.

He didnt do anything, and having a strangers hand up his rectum just wasn't settling right.

It was mandatory, he knew that.

But as he felt a protruding finger at his entrance, teeth clenched he felt the entire situation was unfair.

-

The regulators were long gone and Namjoon sat on the shower floor, droplets getting in his eyes.

He's been sitting there for quite some time, mind completely blank while the water softly caressed his skin.

“Namjoon! Are you done?”

Came a voice which he well recognized as yoongi’s.

He stood up quickly, shutting the water off and wrapping a towel around his waist.

As soon as he was out the bathroom, yoongi pushed him aside, closing the door in his face.

Namjoon opened the door to the shared room, only to find his hyung at the edge of his bed, head in his hands.

“hoseok hyung.”

Hoseok looked up at the mention of his name, with a scared expression written across his face.

“namjoon, I think they found it.”

Hoseok said, distress in his tone as he ran a hand through his overly dyed hair.

“found what?”

Namjoon asked, knowing well what hoseok was referring to.

“namjoon, you know what I'm talking about,” hoseok said, voice lowering an octave. “it wasn't where I put it last and-”

“i have them.”

“you what?”

-

The two sat on a curb, dimly lit by a broken street light in the dead of the night.

Hoseok looked across the street, baggies neatly tucked away in his coat pocket.

Namjoon sat beside him, white puffs of air showing every time he breathed in the cold night.

They sat in silence before Namjoon decided to go back to the dorms.

“hyung I'm gonna-”

“talk to me for a moment.”

Hoseok said, barely above s whisper.

Namjoon stuffed his hands in his pockets before plopping down next to Hoseok.

“you haven't tried to stop me yet.”

Hoseok states, turning to namjoon with an unreadable expression.

“i don't plan to either.”

If Namjoon was being honest, there's nothing he can really do.

Hoseok scoffed, turning back to the dark street.

“why not? Thought you cared more than that.”

It was Namjoon’s turn to scoff.

“hyung, I do care about you. More than I'd like to,”
He paused, thinking of his next words.
“but no matter what I say or do, at the end of the day it's your choice to get clean or not.”

Hoseok sighed.

“oh.”

Namjoon leaned against the pavement, question burning on the tip of his tongue.

“hyung, tell me. Out of your six years of using, how many times did you try to get clean?”

“alot.”

“then why aren't you?”

“namjoon, you don't understand, it's not that easy.”

Hoseok says, shaking his head.

He was right.

Namjoon didn't understand.

Not at the time anyways.